


Ameoto (Part 2 of 2)

by aquilaprisca



Category: GOT7, K-pop
Genre: 60K split in two, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-14
Updated: 2015-10-14
Packaged: 2018-04-26 07:40:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 32,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4996015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aquilaprisca/pseuds/aquilaprisca
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you so much for reading</p></blockquote>





	Ameoto (Part 2 of 2)

[part 1](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4995955/chapters/11477572)

“Was it raining last night?” Mark asked after taking a sip of his tea. Jinyoung thought it was an odd combination. Tea and Mark. Somehow it’d fit more if he was holding a saucer but not a mug. Never a mug. Mark was a no-mug man, Jinyoung had decided. “Jinyoung?”

“Hm what?” Jinyoung blinked and smiled.

“I was wondering if it was raining last night, I don’t think it was,” Mark pondered staring at the steam coming off his cup.

“Why are you asking?” Jinyoung replied, shovelling a croissant into his mouth. He bought five, four to go.

“I was just wondering if that was why you couldn’t sleep last night?” Mark quickly mumbled into his cup and took a long sip.

Jinyoung chewed on his second croissant slowly. “Ah no, I just had some paper work to do for the wedding the flower shop is catering to. Bohyung is dumping me with a load of shit under the excuse she’s heart broken.”

“Bohyung?” Mark repeated. “Is that your boss? Why is she heart broken?”

Jinyoung went to pick up his cappuccino, blowing at the froth before taking a sip. He hisses a little bit, the drink hot on his tongue, “Well, you remember Taekwoon?” Jinyoung asked, ripping a piece of his pastry. “Well, that’s his girlfriend, fiancee, well possible-ex-fiancee, I don’t know it’s complicated.” Jinyoung shrugged and went to go for another sip of his drink.

“What...so you’re not dating Taekwoon?” Mark abruptly asked, and Jinyoung sucked in too much of his drink. The hot liquid scalded his lips, and then Jinyoung had a brief flashback to when he swallowed a whole cup before and wheezed. “Are you okay?”

“Dating?” Jinyoung hissed. “Taekwoon? What made you think that?”

“Oh s-sorry,” Mark stuttered, offering Jinyoung several tissues he snatched. “I just- I saw you guys hugging the other day and you apparently seem to be around each other often. Also I assumed the fight was bet-”

Jinyoung waved his hand aggressively, stopping Mark. “Taekwoon- okay, maybe at one point, I mean he was really hot when he was the mysterious, secretive type then I got to know him.” Jinyoung twitched aggressively.

Just then the waitress brings a small plate down for Mark with a smile and two pain au chocolates. Marks looking at Jinyoung, and Jinyoung is trying to not focus on the woman as she one-sidedly flirts.

“You like chocolate?” Jinyoung asked, nodding towards the warm pastries. Mark bent down to bite into one of them, a satisfied smile on his face.

“Yeah, chocolate’s my favourite,” He admitted bashfully, and Jinyoung would find it cute if he weren’t feeling so irritated.

Mark clapped his hands together, and consciously rubbed at his thighs, “So, I misunderstood?”

“Yeah.”

“So you’re not dating anyone?”

Jinyoung grimaced, “I don’t da- uhm...no, I’m not dating anyone.”

“Ah...” Mark grinned, relieved he sat back in his chair. Jinyoung gave him a confused look but before he could say anything, something from the corner of his eye caught his attention.

He turned to look fully outside where across the small street is a barbers shop and a tailor shop. Alone, is a man, his hand stuffed into his jean pockets, and wearing a notable leather jacket. Jinyoung almost tipped the table over when he jumped to his feet.

That’s when the man outside turned to look at him, and with the look of horror on his face, Jinyoung was convinced it was him.

Jinyoung hissed under his breath and just as he was about to make his way out of the cafe, the man breaks out into a sprint. And it’s a chase.

Mark called out for Jinyoung but Jinyoung was already halfway out the cafe, slamming his body against the door with full force, he swiveled and started sprinting down the thin streets. He was wearing the same, ugly, so-old-the-arms-had-to-be-stitched-back leather jacket that Jinyoung was confident he recognized.

They sprinted down the street, hopping over people, pushing past them. All the while Jinyoung called out his name but he didn't seem to even flinch in reaction. “Bastard,” Jinyoung groaned and pressed his feet harder against the ground.

Jinyoung watched him turn into a tight alleyway, and smirked because he knew, everyone knew the alleyway between Mr Jung’s fish shop and the fruit stall is a dead end of black plastic bags and rotting fish.

And yet when he does turn the corner, expecting to find his target whimpering into his tattered leather jacket, his lips trembling with ready excuses, there’s no one there. Nothing there but the plastic bags, rotting fish and the dead end.

“What the fuck?” Jinyoung breathlessly said. His eyes searched across the tiny space, the brick wall looming over him at an ungodly height and mocking him. “ _What the fuck?_.”

Footsteps are heard from behind and Jinyoung swivelled round expectantly only to let out a breath when he saw it was Mark, also out of breath. When his eyes met with Jinyoung’s, he heeved, clinging to the wall, he kneeled over and coughed. “W-what...are you doing?”

Jinyoung sighed in frustration and turned back to the dead end, eyeing the fish bones on the ground that had been brutally ripped out one of the bags. The anger boils over all of a sudden and Jinyoung let’s out a frustrated shout.

“Jinyoung? What’s wrong?” Mark came up from behind, putting a hand on his shoulder.

Jinyoung brushed a hand through his hair and turned back to the road, “Nothing.”

“It was obviously not nothing, who was that?”

He sighed, “My boss.”

 

 

 

 

☔️

Jinyoung knocked on the door. No reply. He grinded his teeth and tightened his hand into a ball. He slammed the door now with force, repeatedly. Still no reply. Jinyoung took a tight, deep breath then and looked down at the handle, the door wasn’t locked.

With no hesitation, Jinyoung slammed into Yugyeom’s room and was instantly greeted with the stench of sweat. “Oh fuck,” He grimaced, and placed his hands to his nose.

His room (in the lightest of terms) was a pig sty. Ramen and crisp packets scattered across the ground, unwashed (presumably) clothes hanging off every single piece of furniture and a sleeping Yugyeom half off the bed, half sprawled on, his mouth hanging, and a puddle of drool on the ground.

Jinyoung grimaced and stomped his way forward, lifting his leg to slam it into Yugyeom’s shoulder. The violence makes Jinyoung a little surprised with himself, _maybe Taekwoon was rubbing off on him._ The thought, however, was quickly swept away when he noticed Yugyeom had fully planted onto the floor, his face in the pool of his own saliva, and still snored away happily.

Staring down at Yugyeom twisted all up in himself made the irritation within Jinyoung suddenly disappear. He went to bend on his knees and stared at Yugyeom’s distorted face and poked at his cheek. “Yugyeom,” Jinyoung called out. “Yugyeom, wake up.” He poked him relentlessly, but it wasn’t until he jabbed his finger into his eye did Yugyeom finally twitch enough to wake up.

“Two fries coming up-” Yugyeom snorted, his eyes still white when he lifted his lids.

Jinyoung looked down on him concerned, “Yugyeom? You up?”

“Yes, captain!” Yugyeom jolted and hit his head bang on the side of the bed. “Ah, fuck.”

Jinyoung sighed and helped Yugyeom sit up straight, who continued to mumble under his breath. “Jinyoung? You’re here?” Yugyeom asked groggily, looking through slitted eyes. “Did I sleep at work again?”

“No, you didn’t, I came to your house,” Jinyoung told him and sat down opposite of him.

“Why? Am I in trouble, I won’t steal onion rings from the vat again,” He groaned and flung his head back onto the bed.

Jinyoung narrowed his eyes at the boy and sighed loudly, “No, it’s not. But considering you’re sleeping so well, I’m going to assume you don’t know?”

Yugyeom flung his head back up and gave Jinyoung a skeptical look, “Know what?”

“I saw the boss-”

“Jackson!?” Yugyeom burst out, his eyes now fully open. “He’s back?”

“Well, apparently not,” Jinyoung sighed again. “He ran, full speed ahead and he hasn’t been at the bar.”

“Are you kidding? Why would he come back if he was just going to run?” Yugyeom groaned, dragging the skin on his face down with his fingers.

“Well, that’s what I wanted to ask you,” Jinyoung said and got up from the floor. “But it seems you don’t know anything.”

“Of course I don’t, I’m the last person Jackson would visit if he was hiding out - I would have told you in a heartbeat,” Yugyeom admitted, a small pout on his lips.

Jinyoung looked down at him and laughed. He ruffled with Yugyeom’s hair before turning to head towards the door.

“Where you going?” Yugyeom asked.

Jinyoung looked at the door handle, his lips scrunched up. “No clue.”

 

 

 

 

☔️

“No, he hasn’t come to me,” Bohyung said as she delicately placed a bunch of sunflowers in a pot by the window. “I would have called you if he did.”

Jinyoung groaned and flopped into the seat behind the counter. He’d asked everyone he could ask if they’d seen his Boss around, but everyone had come up with the same answers; _no_. There were even the occasional “are you still gay?”

“Somehow it seems like I’ve just made the whole thing up,” Jinyoung mumbled to himself, staring at the paint cracks in the corner of the ceiling.

“No one thinks you’re lying Jinyoung,” Bohyung reassured him. “But no one has seen Jackson either.”

Jinyoung gives Bohyung a look, she looked a little… _better_. She was in a dress, and Bohyung never wears dresses unless duty calls. Floral embroidery and bright colours were not part of Bohyung’s typical fashion picks either but Jinyoung wasn’t complaining, it looked like she was trying. Trying what though...he wasn’t sure.

“You’re all dressed up, going somewhere?” Jinyoung asked, lifting his eyebrow to nod towards the dress she wore.

Bohyung stood up straight from watering the plants and looked down at her dress, shifting the apron she had tied around it. She shrugged, “Change of pace? The weather is so gloomy these days, I needed some colour.”

“You work in a flower shop, what more colour could you want?” Jinyoung snorted and went to rock on his chair, his feet pressing against the desk table, where cut leaves and bits of dirt tumbled off the edge and unto the ground. He was going to sweep them up later anyway.

“I want it to follow me around,” She said with a light step. “I’ve had enough of crying and being grouchy.”

Jinyoung looked at her forced smile and returned it with his own. “Well, isn’t that an impossible task to set yourself.”

Bohyung gave him a glare before she turned back with a flick of her head and a twirl, and picked up the watering can again. Jinyoung watched her with a bemused smile as she ruffled at the ends of her dress whilst elegantly posing as she watered the flowers.

The front door rang then, and Bohyung quickly straightened up to greet the new customer. “Ah, welcome. Are you new here?” Bohyung asked politely, her professionally high pitched voice tuned perfectly.

“Um...no,” A familiar voice responded and Jinyoung twitched from where he was swinging on his chair to peak towards the door. “I’m here for Jinyoung?”

“Jinyoung?” Bohyung repeated and turned back to look at him, revealing the person behind her.

Jinyoung blinked, surprised. “Ah, Mark-” He fell, the chairs legs slid forward and Jinyoung tumbled back into a ball with his legs hanging just above his head. “ _Fuck,_ ”

The two came rushing towards him, Mark was quick on lifting Jinyoung upright whilst Bohyung sat back watching, biting her lip from bursting into a fit of giggles. “You’re bleeding,” Mark worriedly noted, his face all too close for comfort. Jinyoung looked towards him, then away, tapping at the side of his forehead where it stang and found drops of blood on his fingers.

“Well, shit,” Jinyoung mechanically said. “It wasn’t that bad a fall.”

Mark looked down at the ground where the stem of a rose lay on the ground guilty. He picked it up and waved it front of Jinyoung, who snorted. “Well, we know I won’t die. The amount of times I’ve been cut by a thorn.”

“What a damsel in distress,” Bohyung said with a roll of her eyes and went to reach for the broom. “That’s what you get for lazing around.”

“I think we’ve had this conversation before,” Jinyoung pondered, mockingly taking his hand to his chin.

“Oh, have we?” Bohyung sarcastically replied.

“Yes, I think it ended with me leaving the shop for an extended lunch with my friend Mark, here,” Jinyoung jokingly suggested, throwing an arm around Mark’s shoulder. And instantly regretting it, the scent of his cologne made his heart waltz in an unfriendly manner and he quickly retracted his hand.

“Oh, really? Your...friend? I don’t think we’ve met, I’m Bohyung,” Bohyung introduced herself with a smile that made Jinyoung’s insides shrivel up.

Mark took out his hand and shook Bohyung’s, “I’ve heard about you, from Jinyoung, he says a lot of a good stuff.” Mark politely lied, and Bohyung caught onto it graciously.

Bohyung gave Jinyoung a tiny smirk, “Has he now?”

Jinyoung gulped, “Yes well we really must dilly dally.”

“Dilly dally?” Mark repeated with a quirk of his eyebrow.

Jinyoung slapped a hand on Mark’s back and nodded, “Dilly dally.”

Bohyung laughed out loud and turned to grab the broom, “Well, dilly dallly away.”

 

 

 

 

☔️

“So, what did you need from me?” Jinyoung asked, bits of his sandwich flying out.

Mark picked out the cucumbers of his own to eat them separately before he replied, “I just wanted to check up on you. You left a bit dramatically last time, remember?”

Jinyoung swallowed the contents of his food and laughed awkwardly, “Ah, Jackson-”

“Jackson?”

“My boss.”

“Yeah, how did that go? Did you find him?”

Jinyoung sighed and turned a corner on the pebble streets, heading towards the bar. “Nope, and no one has heard or seen him either.” Jinyoung huffed, giving his innocent sandwich death glares.

“That’s too bad,” Mark replied. “I wish I could help but I don’t know what he looks like.”

“Don’t give me that apologetic face,” Jinyoung shook his head and went to fish out his keys from his pocket, his teeth barely hanging on to the remains of his sandwich. “Besides, it’s a small town, he’s bound to show up again.” He continued, his mouth muffled. The sandwich breaks and drops but Mark is quick to catch it.

“Woah, you spider man or something?” Jinyoung joked and unlocked the front door to the bar.

“Sure, something like that,” Mark laughed and swallowed the last bit of his lunch.

He followed Jinyoung into the bar where the only light was the dim sun seeping in from the outside. Mark watched Jinyoung as he settled the keys onto the counter and headed into the kitchen for a moment. There was an eerie stillness to the bar, he was all too used to the sound of cups clattering, the chatter and the stench of alcohol so strong it almost had a presence of it’s own dwindling in the air.

Mark meekly took a seat on one of the stools by the bar and waited until Jinyoung came back through the kitchen with a plate of crisps and another with nuts. He settled them on the bar and turned back until Mark grabbed him by the arm.

“What are you doing?” Mark asked.

Jinyoung twitched where he was, eyeing the hand on his arm. “Um...I’m not sure? Being a host? Treating the guest? I don’t know...I don’t really have people over.” Jinyoung awkwardly answered, scratching the back of his head.

Mark laughed shortly, “You don’t have to do that, but I am honoured.” He finally let go of Jinyoung. Rubbing his arm consciously, Jinyoung settled himself on the stool beside Mark and turned. His knee had hit Mark’s and a jolt ran through him whilst Mark looked on pleasantly.

Jinyoung cleared his throat and turned the opposite direction, leaning against the bar. “So...um...how come you’re not at work today?” Jinyoung asked, picking at the nuts in the bowl.

“I took a day off,” Mark shrugged and leaned back onto the bar counter. Jinyoung got a sickening sense of deja vu. The darkness of the bar wasn’t helping either but Jinyoung had to save on the electricity bill, there was no need for lights when the bar wasn’t running.

“Can you do that so easily?” Jinyoung questioned with a raise of his eyebrows.

“Ah, I can do a lot of things, eight years working there and being head of the regional branch gives me a lot of leverage.” Mark said, an amused expression on his face.

“Oh, so shouldn’t I be the one that’s honoured?” Jinyoung grinned. “You decided to spend your day off with me.”

Mark laughed and relaxed further back, tilting his head to look at Jinyong from between his dishevelled bangs. It took everything inside Jinyoung not to return the look. “Well, It’s more like I took the day off for you.” Mark grinned back.

"Ah, is that so?" The response had rattled Jinyoung, he didn't really know how to respond so he just digs into the plate of nuts with an aggression that eventually leads the entirety of its contents to scatter onto the ground like hail.

The two of them drop down quickly to start picking at the ground. Jinyoung’s mumbling under his breath and Mark looked up with curiosity sketched onto his face. “Is everything okay?”

Jinyoung blinked and looked up at Mark stiffly, “Huh?”

“What’s wrong? You’ve been nervous since earlier?” Mark asked, concerned. He took the back of his hand to press it to Jinyoung’s forehead and then down towards his cheek. “You okay?”

Jinyoung bit his lip and slid away, “I’m fine. Just didn’t get much sleep last night. Can you pick the rest up? I’m just-just going to go wash my face.” Jinyoung quickly explained and made a fast dash towards the stairs, taking two steps at a time until he flung himself at the bathroom door.

Jinyoung swallowed harshly, his breath short. He looked down at his shaking hands in confusion and went towards the sink to throw water at his face. Jinyoung had forced upon himself many different facial expression for the convenience of others and for himself. The task was now just as easy as breathing, so he doesn’t feel right, it doesn’t feel right at all. Why are his masks breaking now? Jinyoung logically considered the flu, it would make sense, no sleep, all work wasn’t healthy. But he was fine with Bohyung...just fine until-

“Jinyoung?” Mark called out, knocking on the door lightly. “Jinyoung.”

“J-Just give me a sec,” Jinyoung cleared his throat and took a deep breath. _Act normal_.

“Jinyoung...is it because of me?” Marks voice had turned solemn, and it surprised Jinyoung. “Are you still not comfortable with me yet?”

Jinyoung carefully weighed his words, “N-no, of course not.”

“Are you sure? If...if I’m making you uncomfortable, you need to tell me, okay? I’ll just leave, I don’t want to be a bother-”

“No!” Jinyoung wretched the bathroom door open and was met with Mark’s surprised look. Jinyoung took a step back and rolled out his shoulders. “I mean...I mean you’re fine, and I’m fine. We’re all fine.” Jinyoung explained with aggravated hand gestures.

“We’re all fine?” Mark chuckled and Jinyoung couldn’t help but feel something sickening growing in the pits of his stomach.

“More than fine, a little too fine,” Jinyoung bitterly mumbled under his breath.

“What was that?” Mark leaned in close, and Jinyoung looked at him with a little bit of contempt.

“Hey Mark,” Jinyoung called out with a sigh.

“Yeah?”

“Let’s call it even.” Jinyoung nodded.

Mark blinked at him with confusion, “Call what-”

Jinyoung has done many things in his life. Leave his parents, run a bar on his own, handle two jobs a day, become an adult too soon. What he’s never done is purposefully initiated trouble on himself. So he’s really not sure what he’s doing when he decided to kiss Mark. Maybe it was the way the end of his lips invited Jinyoung to lick at them, or maybe it was the colour of his flesh that wanted him to bite on them, or maybe Jinyoung just really, really wanted to kiss Mark.

Maybe he always wanted to kiss Mark, the thought seems more plausible. Since the moment they met, Jinyoung probably always thought of how it’d feel to press Mark against the wall, to press their chests together and breathe in each others warm breaths. The thought was there, possibly. But the actual feeling was far from that. It was like being elevated, like being as a light as a feather but as warm as the sun.

There was so much to feel underneath his fingertips, the thin hairs behind Mark’s ears, the dip in his neck, the jagged bones on his shoulders. Jinyoung had opened up an entirely different dimension, somewhere he was too scared to step in before. It came all too easily with Mark, and it was frightening.

“Jinyoung…” Mark mumbled against his lips, and Jinyoung decided that he liked the sound. The sound of Mark out of breath, desperate, and wanting. Jinyoung pressed his lips against him harder, his fingers entangling into his soft hair whilst Mark fumbled with his own, shaking hands wrapped around his waist because he liked the feeling of Jinyoung in his arms, or just pressed closer to him. “Jinyoung.” Mark called out more sternly.

Jinyoung broke the kiss, his breath heavy and he pressed his forehead against Mark's. Mark who looked like he’d drop to the floor any second now; his eyes squeezed shut, his hands on Jinyoung’s waist tighter than they were a second ago, and his breath so fast and hot, it made Jinyoung feel delirious.

“Are you okay?” Jinyoung asked hoarsely.

Mark responded quickly with a light chuckle and opened his eyes. “A little more than okay.” Mark replied and looked down at Jinyoung’s lips before kissing him again quickly. He cleared his throat and looked up at Jinyoung one more time before kissing him again, and again. “I’ve wanted to do that for a while.” Mark sighed and settled his forehead against Jinyoung’s again.

Jinyoung shrugged, a small smile on his lips.

“Although,” Mark cleared his throat, his eyes shut again. “I’ve got to say I’m a little surprised.”

Jinyoung sighed and kissed Mark again. Only this time he let his lips linger above his for a moment longer before parting again.

Mark pressed his forehead against Jinyoung’s harder, his eyebrows scrunched up. “I was so sure...you weren’t- I mean…” Mark sighed heavily, and Jinyoung took it as a cue to step back, despite Mark’s hands hovering where they were as if waiting for Jinyoung to step back into his embrace.

Jinyoung scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, finally feeling the regret press into his side. This is why Jinyoung had never taken advantage of the impulse that would build up in his chest. Only bad things came out of impulsivity, of hoping, and naivety.

“I’m sorry,” Jinyoung bit his lip and looked to the ground. “Just forget-”

Mark was quick to react and brought a hand to Jinyoung’s mouth, his fingers pressing into his cheek. Jinyoung gulped from underneath his touch, the scent of wood clung to Mark’s skin and Jinyoung thought it was odd but comforting. He flickered his eyes to Mark’s, who's own were steady and almost a little angry.

“I know what you’re going to say and don’t say it,” He demanded sternly. “I’m not going to forget it.” Mark dropped his hand then and took it brush through his hair. All the whilst Jinyoung noticed how his hand trembled.

“Mark-”

“You’re free tomorrow afternoon, right?” Mark abruptly asked, and Jinyoung looked up to find the smile he had so perfectly mastered greet him with thorns. Jinyoung had nothing else to say, he just nodded.

“Good, I’ll come visit.” Mark said between his teeth, his smile digging into the dips of his eyes and Jinyoung could only respond with the one thing he knew all too well. A smile.

 

 

 

 

☔️

“What do I do Pancho?” Jinyoung desperately asked, looking into the deepest depths of Pancho’s eyes. The dog whined. “I know, I know...but I kissed him. This is my fault.” Jinyoung whispered and hugged the dog by his neck.

There’s a sudden tug of Jinyoung’s collar and the press of cold metal against his skin. He shivered where he was and tried to tilt his head. “Move and I swear to god I’ll shove the tip of this umbrella through your throat.” A voice hissed.

“Ah, Bohyung, good morning to you too!” Jinyoung cackled and jolted as he felt the metal press harder against his neck.

“I don’t know where you get the confidence from that I won’t commit murder Jinyoung,” She threatened, her voice hoarse from sleep.

“Oh no I don’t have confidence, just naive hope your first victim isn’t me.” Jinyoung shrugged and petted Pancho who looked on at the scene with a tongue hanging out.

Bohyung made a noise from behind then and flipped the umbrella, the hook grabbed onto Jinyoung’s collar and so, Bohyung began to drag him.

“You almost fucking killed me!” Jinyoung wheezed as he settled into the brown sofa. He gripped his neck and glared as Bohyung placed herself on the sofa beside him.

“Boohoo,” Bohyung yawned and shuffled down the sofa to lie her head on the arm. “And I dropped my cupcake yesterday.”

“Evidently not the same thing, Bohyung,” Jinyoung dramatically sobbed.

“You’re right, my cupcake was far more important,” Bohyung replied and shut her eyes.

“That wounds a man,” Jinyoung sighed.

“Jinyoung…” Bohyung called out lowly. “You really need to stop coming here so early in the morning whenever you have a problem.”

“Well, there’s only so much time I can spend awake at night brooding over my thoughts.” Jinyoung answered as if she were asking a question in the first place.

“Ugh, whatever, whatever, what is it this time? Who did you kiss?” Bohyung sighed and flopped onto her back.

“You heard?”

“Of course I heard, I live in a cottage, there isn’t much space from my front yard to my window, you prick.” Bohyung snapped.

“Okay, okay no need to get feisty…” Jinyoung cleared his throat, his cheeks feeling a little flushed. “I kissed Mark.”

“You what!?” Bohyung rose up suddenly and turned to look at Jinyoung with dishevelled hair and red eyes. “Why would you do that? I thought he was straight?”

“Well, so did I but that didn’t stop me,” Jinyoung laughed hollowly, digging himself back into the sofa. He silently wished for his chest to cave in so he could just crumble into the sofa and Bohyung could bring him tea and biscuits for the rest of his life.

“You’ve done a bad thing…” Bohyung whispered hysterically almost. Jinyoung might really have to reconsider the times he comes to bother Bohyung. “What was his reaction?”

Jinyoung froze then, because he wasn’t sure, but at the same time he knew it most definitely was not rejection. “Um...I think he liked it-”

Bohyung burst out into a fit of giggles, “Oh this is great. Shit, this is great. Jinyoung! Don’t you see where this is going?”

Jinyoung narrowed his eyes at her, he didn’t like where this was going but replied anyway. “Where-”

“To a relationship! Like an actual relationship! Where you get all awkward and shy, and kiss and fall in love, and get married and have babies- well not exactly the common way, but either way!” She got up all of a sudden, and walked closer to Jinyoung whilst he kept digging himself into the rough fabric of his seat. She went down on her knees and clasped his hands in her own. Jinyoung all the whilst wishing he’d just turn into a potato right there and then. “This is a _good_ thing Jinyoung. You know that, right?”

He didn’t think it was a good thing, but he knew what she meant. And the fear seemed to encase in him all too quickly, but a different kind of fear, a fear that fought headstrong with an old rusting one that wanted to give up and fade away, but Jinyoung clung to it. He clung to it because he it was the only thing that had kept him together for so long.

“I think I’m going to go now,” Jinyoung said quickly and rose to his feet. Bohyung looked up at him with a glare and stood up too.

“Jinyoung-”

“ _I know_ ,” Jinyoung sternly replied, his face contorted with a mix of confusion and defeat. “I know Bohyung but some things aren’t as easy to accept as you make it out to be.”

“No they are,” Bohyung replied, her voice and face softer now. “And I understand the fear Jinyoung, but it’s time to let go. You can’t let your parents drag you down anymore.”

The sentence throws Jinyoung off more than it should have. Bohyung had never mentioned Jinyoung’s parents since the first time he had told her his story. No, that wasn’t what surprised him, it was probably how right she was. How right she always is.

He had nothing to say anymore.

“I’m leaving,” Jinyoung said and headed towards the door. Bohyung followed behind him and watched as he went to pet Pancho. “Goodnight.” He called out with a wave as he head towards the gate.

“Jinyoung,” Bohyung called.

Jinyoung turned back curiously to find Bohyung with a pout, her arms crossed over chest as she leant into the door frame. “What is it?” He smiled.

Bohyung’s frown deepened, “You should probably go to a doctor about it...your insomnia.” She advised and Jinyoung’s smile hadn’t faltered.

Instead, he laughed. “What are you talking about Bohyung? I’m fine. Goodnight.” He said finally and walked through the gate.

 

 

 

 

☔️

Jinyoung usually wakes up in the morning to the sound of rain, to the sound of old men grumbling, and children running on the pebbled paths. He wakes up to the dim blue glow of the early morning, and the recurring thought that he needs to wash his sheets. It was a subconscious routine all too ingrained into the back of his head over the past four years.

And yet when he wakes up to the warmth of something unfamiliar and the sound of breathing that doesn’t belong to him, he doesn't feel uncomfortable. Instead Jinyoung only wishes for what feels like a warm spring day to whisk him away with the dandelion seeds so he can bury himself somewhere far away.

Unfortunately, the dreams have to end eventually, and although he didn’t find Mark’s sleeping face unpleasant first thing in the morning, the alarms in Jinyoung’s head still go off. He opened his eyes slowly, the light that came through the balcony doors made Mark look translucent almost, as if Jinyoung were to reach out towards him, he’d simply meet air.

It didn’t stop him from doing it though. Jinyoung reached out with quivering fingertips and barely had the courage to pick at the strands of his bangs and feel them between his fingers. There was an aching feeling that seemed to vibrate from his fingers to his chest, and Jinyoung found himself losing breath as if someone were standing upon his chest.

He wanted to laugh, in hysterics mostly, but the thought of waking Mark (who seemed too comfortable to be sleeping on the floor) had scared him off from even breathing. He was wearing jeans and a jumper again, a loose fitting jumper that exposed his shoulders, and Jinyoung found himself staring at his skin as if wanting to bite it off.

And as if Mark could sense it, he too started to wake up. He blinked several times before closing his eyes again, and smiled. An actual smile that sent shivers to the depths of Jinyoung’s bones, and he’s breathless.

“Good morning,” Mark croaked, his voice was deep and messy and everything Jinyoung didn’t want to hear right then. Mark shuffled closer to the mattress, snuggling his head onto the side right beside Jinyoung.

Jinyoung sighed, and went to grab Mark’s wrist to pull him. Mark was half asleep and confused but he followed Jinyoung’s tugging and crawled up onto the mattress to lay beside Jinyoung. “It’s a queen sized mattress, why didn’t you just lay next to me?”

Mark groaned and turned into the pillow, inhaling deeply. “It smells of you.”

Jinyoung furrowed his eyebrows, “You’re being creepy.”

“Which is why I didn’t sleep next to you on the mattress,” Mark replied, a small smile stuck on his face, his eyes still shut.

“Yes, because you couldn’t get more creepy than breaking into my house.” Jinyoung retorted.

Mark opened his eyes then and stared at Jinyoung, “I could have been far more creepy. Besides...Yugyeom let me in.” Mark chuckled and went to shut his eyes again.

“Ah don’t tell me, he slept here again?” Mark nodded in answer and inched closer to Jinyoung.

Jinyoung didn’t move from where he was, instead he revelled in the inch of space that was between him and Mark. It was filled with the scent of rain and it made Jinyoung sniff irritably. “You smell of the rain.” Jinyoung commented but it only made Mark chuckle.

“It was raining in the morning,” Mark mumbled and snuggled deeper into the pillow.

“I thought you were coming in the afternoon?”

Mark slowly opened his eyes, staring at the patterns on Jinyoung’s covers. “Hmm...I guess I couldn’t wait to see your face?” He joked and turned, so his back faced Jinyoung. There’s a moment of silence before Mark breathes heavily. “That’s a lie. I’ve been...nervous.”

Jinyoung quietly moved so he was bent closer to Mark, where his eyes traced the angular bones that poked through his jumper. “Why?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Mark sighed, his shoulder blades sliding as he did so. “I’d basically forced myself on you, and I was scared you wouldn’t want to see me.”

“I’m pretty sure I’m the one that forced myself on you,” Jinyoung mumbled.

Mark shifted, he turned around and found Jinyoung’s face all too close to his. But despite that, none of them flinched, instead their eyes met and a smile grew slowly on Mark’s face. “You’re not moving away.” He whispered breathlessly and shuffled closer so that their foreheads touched.

Jinyoung bit his lip, and swallowed hard. “ _Mark,_ ” Jinyoung attempted to sternly say but his breath took the words away from him. “Mark…”

“Jinyoung,” Mark chuckled. And for the first time in a long time, Jinyoung silently thanked his parents, for giving him his name. “Jinyoung, I think I may be infatuated with you.”

Jinyoung snorted, “Isn’t this where you profess your love for me instead?” Jinyoung laughed but he jerked when he realised the true extent of his words. “I-I didn’t mean that, I was just joking-”

Mark kissed him, his lips barely pressed against Jinyoung for a second before he slid back. “And here I was worrying, but you’re joking about it?” Mark replied with a cock of his eyebrows.

Jinyoung shrunk back but Mark only scuffled forward. “Mark, I don’t-”

“Don’t do relationships?” Mark said, and went to kiss Jinyoung on his nose. “That’s fine, I’ll just make you want one.” He grinned widely.

Jinyoung’s eyebrows scrunched up together. “Why?”

“I wonder…” Mark smiled and Jinyoung felt cheated.

For something he’d spent years practicing, how did Mark smile so easily, so truthfully with no care in the world whilst Jinyoung felt like he was in a small room and the walls were pressing up against him?

“But…” Mark looked at Jinyoung with a questioning look. “I don’t want to do anything if you really don’t want it.”

Jinyoung scrutinized his face into a pout. “You’re being unfair.” He said and went to kiss Mark softly on the lips. Mark shuffled closer, the smile on his face only growing larger as the two knotted their legs together.

 

 

 

 

☔️

Jinyoung lent his head back onto the wall, breathing heavily, he could feel a drip of sweat drop onto his jaw and trickle down his neck. He looked toward Mark who leaned over him -his jumper now tossed over to the side- as he gasped heavily. Jinyoung leaned his hand out to grip his shoulder, pressing his fingers into the lines of his bones and revelled in the softness of his skin.

“Mark, _move_ ,” Jinyoung demanded but Mark could only shiver in response. They had themselves pressed against each other. Mark’s bottoms had shuffled down to his knees while Jinyoung sat bare, nothing but his t-shirt crinkled and shoved up to expose his chest.

“I’m sorry, I-I haven’t done this in a while,” Mark breathed and Jinyoung couldn’t help but chuckle. “Don’t laugh at me.”

“You’re cute, you’re cute, so adorable,” Jinyoung teased and pressed Mark back to sit on his lap. He shivered, the feeling of their cock’s hot and hard, and pressed against each other sent waves of pleasure up Jinyoung’s spine. “Grip them.”

Mark followed obediently, his cheeks flushed a deep red and his eyes glazed over like he could think of nothing but the feel of Jinyoung’s thighs around his hips. He squeezed them together and Jinyoung let out an incoherent noise. “I’ll start moving my hips so just...do that.” Jinyoung sighed into Mark’s ears.

And he did just that. Rocking his hips so that their cocks slid against each other, the pre-cum oozing and soaking them from below, and Jinyoung thinks he definitely needs to wash the sheets now.

“ _Jinyoung_ ” Mark gasped. “Jinyoung…”

“What?” Jinyoung gasped as he rocked his hips, their heads pressed against each other. “You want to come already?”

Mark growled lowly and suddenly slid Jinyoung off his lap so he could press him against the wall again. Jinyoung laid back with a bump, his mouth hanging open, begging for air, there was something about Mark’s stiff expression that turned him on.

“Can I do it harder?” Mark asked, but he sounded more like he was begging.

Jinyoung laughed again and let his hands slide to the mattress below him, where he gripped the sheets tightly between his fingers. “Go ahead.” He replied with a lick of his lips.

Mark leaned in closer, pressing his hand against the wall, and gripping their cocks with the other, he began to move. Jinyoung moaned, an uncontrolled cry of pleasure escaping from him and he shocked himself enough to place a hand over his mouth. But Mark had quickly took it down.

“I want to hear...your voice,” Mark said, rocked his hips harder where the sound of their cocks made slipping sounds and Jinyoung arched his back to press himself closer to Mark.

“Mark…” Jinyoung gasped and gripped his shoulders. He wanted more, the feeling of his skin burning was so intoxicating he’d almost wished for Mark to set him alight, to grip every part of his skin and tear him apart. He wanted more. “ _Mark, please._ ”

“Sorry Jinyoung- I can’t any-” Mark gasped and then came between his fingers. Jinyoung could feel him shake from over him, his cock trembling along with the arm he had wrapped around Jinyoung. His fingers digging holes into Jinyoung’s back as he revelled in the look of pleasure that erupted on Mark’s face.

“So cute…” Jinyoung murmured as he stretched out a hand to cup the side of Mark’s face. Who breathed heavily, his face flushed and glistened in sweat. And Jinyoung felt the unfamiliar need to bully him. “It’s a bit thick….” Jinyoung muttered and went to poke at the dots of cum on the bottom of his chest.

“S-sorry…” Mark blurted and looked around for something to wipe with but Jinyoung had grabbed his shoulder tightly, asking for his attention.

“Sorry Mark but I’m still-” Jinyoung gulped, and Mark looked down. He blushed, a deep red, and Jinyoung wouldn’t think Mark was the blushing type with all his suits and money but somehow it suited him all too well.

Mark goes to grab Jinyoung by his knees, parting his legs apart. “W-what are you doing?” Jinyoung breathed, and jumped immediately when he saw Mark leaning down dangerously close. “Mark, stop, you don’t need to-” Jinyoung gasped as Mark licked the tip of his cock.

“This...is my first time so sorry in advance,” Mark mumbled from below Jinyoung’s knees and Jinyoung could only let out a feverish moan. He licked the tip again and pressed his lips to the head of Jinyoung’s cock. Jinyoung blindly bent forward to claw at Mark’s back but it hadn’t stopped there. Mark lowered himself more, swallowing the top of Jinyoung and sucking on him gently, pressing his tongue hard against his cock.

“Fuck, Mark...stop-” Jinyoung whispered, his short nails digging into the skin of Mark’s shoulder blades. Mark had evidently ignored him as he took a hand to stroke the base of his cock and bobbed his head around Jinyoung, taking him in as far as possible. “Jesus...Mark, _Mark._ ” Mark sucked hard until he opened his mouth to lick Jinyoung up the length of his cock.

Jinyoung instinctively grabbed Mark by his hair and pressed him down further, feeling his cock rub on the inside of Mark’s mouth. He rocked his hips, his head bent forward so his breath tickled at Mark’s ears. “Mark, I’m close…” Jinyoung whispered. Mark, breathing heavily, pressed his lips tighter around Jinyoung and shook his head with the movement of Jinyoung’s hips.

Jinyoung cried softly as he came, feeling the hot liquid leave him and imagining it going down Mark’s throat made him shake uncontrollably. Mark coughed where he was and rose to take a deep breath, cum had slipped past his lips and Jinyoung stared on at him feverishly, his body still convulsing. Mark took a finger to his lips and licked the rest of the cum off himself, to that, Jinyoung shook and felt himself cum just a little again. “Ah...shit.” Jinyoung cursed, embarrassed.

Mark laughed from above him, “Who’s the cute one now?”

 

 

 

 

☔️

The afternoon soon dissipated into twilight as Mark and Jinyoung sat on the balcony looking up at the white patterned sheets wave in the cold breeze. Mark was back in his loose jumper and Jinyoung was smoking a cigarette.

There was the strong scent of mint shampoo coming off Mark and Jinyoung took it as an advantage to lean into his shoulder. “I think I like this,” Mark muttered, a small smile edging on his lips.

“Like what?” Jinyoung asked and took a drag of his cigarette.

“You being cute and needy,” Mark chuckled and turned his head to nuzzle his nose in Jinyoung’s hair before inching back. “Why doesn’t your hair smell of mint?”

“Because you used Yugyeom’s shampoo,” Jinyoung snorted.

“Brilliant,” Mark pouted and tugged on the wet strands of his bangs.

“It suits you though,” Jinyoung laughed and threw the stub of his cigarette over the balcony.

“Mint? Really? And what? Does strawberry suit you then?” Mark suggested.

“Yeah ‘cause I’m so irresistibly sweet,” Jinyoung joked and laid back onto the floor, his arms crossed under his head.

“Strawberries are sour though,” Mark retorted looking up at the dark blue sky.

Jinyoung looked at Mark’s back from where he laid and wondered if this was what content felt like. Like having the world disappear with it’s grey clouds and pattering rain and only think about the type of jumpers that suit him or what type of shampoo he should use next. Stupid simple things that mean nothing, but everything all at the same time.

Maybe if it was Mark, just maybe Jinyoung could find a home in this rooftop room. If nights meant working at the bar then his mornings would belong to Mark. To wake up to see-through skin and burning fingertips, and feel just as light as a breeze but warm enough to hold him between his arms without the fear of the cold creeping up on them.

Happiness, Jinyoung realised, was far closer than he had realised. But Jinyoung had always known, and god forbid he’d forget, that all happiness comes with a price. That the fear and paranoia, that the ragged thoughts and anxiety wouldn’t so easily disappear like the sun on a winter night. That just as close as Jinyoung was to feeling the fear slip away, it’d cling to him just as fast and eat away at him.

The fear that everything could be taken away from you; the smiles, the roof, the food, the love - all in a split second. This world was fragile, just as the strings that held Jinyoung’s broken heart together. And he could only wish, to beg that Mark was something that’d strengthen those strings to chains and maybe then, the fear wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe it would never disappear, but all the while, it doesn’t mean he couldn’t overcome it.

“Mark…” Jinyoung called out, his fingers tugging lightly on his jumper. Mark turned a fraction and smiled down at him. “Is there anything else...you know you want to tell me?”

Mark blinked at the question then looked up in thought, “I’m bisexual?”

Jinyoung snorted, “No, not that...anything about you?”

Mark took a hand then to stroke his head and grinned widely, “Well not anything major.” He shrugged and turned back to face the darkening sky, all the while his thumb drawing circles on Jinyoung’s knees.

Jinyoung curled in on himself, snuggling up close to Mark, he smiled and shut his eyes. All the whilst thinking liar.

 

 

 

 

☔️

Jinyoung bent down into Mrs Kim’s bookstore with a jingle of the bell. The second he stepped foot into the small store he was struck with the sense that something was different. The blinds, for one, were fully open, they weren’t simply cracked to their sides allowing faint bars of light to go through. Secondly, there were no books on the ground, no jagged towers of browning paper and Jinyoung hadn’t realised the floor was a dark red till then.

“Mrs Kim?” Jinyoung called out, peeking between the shelves until he came to the end and found Mrs Kim with a mask on, and a duster in her hands. “You’re cleaning?”

Mrs Kim looked towards him and her eyes had lit up, “Jinyoung! Thank you for coming over.” She called out energetically.

Jinyoung laughed nervously, he couldn’t remember the last time Mrs Kim was on her feet. “No problem...you seem to be in a good mood.” He said and wrapped an arm around the older woman.

She laughed, “Yes! You haven’t heard? Yongsun is finally coming home.”

“Oh seriously?” Jinyoung excitedly cheered. “That’s great, it’s been a long time, hasn’t it?”

“Yes, she misses you a lot,” Mrs Kim said and hit Jinyoung’s upper arm.

“She talks about me?”

“She’s always asking about you!” Mrs Kim said and started patting away the dust on the shelves.

“Why hasn’t she ever called me then?” Jinyoung asked, leaning his body against the shelf. There was the faint smell of disinfectant which settled itself unfamiliarly amongst the scent of old wood and musk. Jinyoung sniffed irritably.

Mrs Kim just gave him another eye smile and shuffled to the side to drag out a cardboard box. “The lights are in there, do you mind just changing the one in the back, and the one here?” Mrs Kim asked pointing to the last bulb by the front door.

“Anything for you Mrs Kim,” Jinyoung grinned and went to give her a kiss on the cheek.

“You seem to be in a good mood too!” Mrs Kim called out to Jinyoung as he made his way to the back.

“I’m always in a good mood!” Jinyoung called back as he parted the curtain of beads and made his way in.

The last time Jinyoung was in there was during his first year in the town, and he’d sworn never to step foot into it again. At the time, the books had been piled so high they became the small rooms wallpaper. And stupidly, he had tried to pick one out from the bottom. It was like playing a game of jenga only knowing you were sure to lose from the beginning. Everything had toppled over him and he had managed to get a concussion. He’d been banned since then, and Jinyoung was perfectly content with that. He liked books, but not that much.

Although wary, Jinyoung entered the back room and felt relief when he’d found Mrs Kim had also organized in there. Although the piles of books didn’t seem any less intimidating, they now were straightened up against the walls, and their corners tucked away safely.

Jinyoung went to grab the chair from behind the counter and dragged it back through the curtains. Mrs Kim followed him in as he went to stand on the chair. “Would you like a light?” She offered.

“No I’m good,” Jinyoung said as he started to unscrew the light bulb. “You mind passing me a bulb, please?”

Mrs Kim hurriedly obliged, returning quickly so Jinyoung could fit it in. As Mrs Kim went to make her way back through the front, the door rings, and Jinyoung makes his way off the chair. Mrs Kim and the customer chattered in the corner of the store as Jinyoung dragged the chair towards the light just in front of the door.

He settled himself securely upon the chair and reached upwards for the light; it was a higher ceiling to the back room, so Jinyoung had to carefully lift himself to his toes. The chair wobbled, the floor was uneven, but Jinyoung had smoothly unscrewed the first bulb. As he went to look over the shelves and call out to Mrs Kim someone had wrapped themselves quick around his knees.

“Woah!” Jinyoung squealed and bent forward to steady himself. He quickly looked behind to find Bohyung grinning widely as she hugged his knees. “Bohyung? What are you doing? Scared the shit out of me.”

“Life flash before your eyes and everything?”

“ _Yes,_ ” Jinyoung wheezed.

“Good.” Bohyung deadpanned and let go of Jinyoung quickly, making him topple forward and jump off the chair. Jinyoung stared at the floor where he landed and then craned to look at Bohyung.

“Can I help you?”

“Yes, I need you in the flower shop,” Bohyung replied blankly, her eyes skimming over books, not really reading them.

Jinyoung inched closer to her, “You okay?”

She blinked and looked towards him, “Yeah I’m fine, why?”

“Nothing, what do you need me for?”

“We have a delivery to send out and I’d forgotten about it,” Bohyung explained.

“You forgot about something?” Jinyoung snorted and wrapped a hand around her shoulder. “You having an off day Bohyung.”

“Hmmm…” Is all she mumbled.

Jinyoung pursed his lips and nodded his head, “Okay...well, let’s get this bulb fitted and head off?”

 

 

 

 

☔️

“Jinyoung, when are you getting a phone?” Bohyung sighed as she and Jinyoung made their way under the bridge.

“Uh...when I’m rich or something?” Jinyoung joked and stuffed his hands into his pockets.

“You don’t need to be rich to have a phone Jinyoung, do I look rich to you?”

“Do I look like I can afford monthly bills?” He threw back. “Besides who is there to call but you and Taek- ah, and Yugyeom?”

“You don’t have to watch yourself like that Jinyoung,” Bohyung said and gave him a look from the corner of her eyes. “I’m not that sensitive.”

“Really? These days you seem to be.” Jinyoung said offhandedly and earned a nudge in the rib. “I mean you’re not, of course not.”

Her phone rang then and Jinyoung watched her as she looked over the caller id and then hanged up.

“Not important?”

“Mmm.”

Jinyoung bit his lip, an attempt to hold back the words that threatened to flow out and undoubtedly regret later. Bohyung seemed off and Jinyoung wasn't trained well enough in handling brooding humans.

The two turned the corner silently, entering the market street where crowds of people bustled loudly. Jinyoung and Bohyung bowed and greeted people as they made their way down.

"Do you feel like people are staring at us?" Bohyung asked, eyeing the crowds with furrowed eyebrows. Jinyoung looked up to follow her eye line and pursed his lips, he wasn't sure, he was always a topic of gossip in this town.

"I don't know, why do you think that?"

"Since I left my house...I felt people were-" Bohyung stopped abruptly in her tracks, her eyes frozen on something dead ahead. Jinyoung worriedly stared at her, her eyes welling up, and wondered about the only thing that could make Bohyung look like that.

Jinyoung turned and found Taekwoon powering ahead, the crowd parting for his furious steps and Jinyoung felt a chill run down through him because the anger that was evident on his face wasn't aimed at Bohyung...it was aimed at Jinyoung.

Jinyoung tried not to turn and leg it like his instincts told him to, instead he stood firm and let a smile spread on his face. When Taekwoon was close enough for ear shot, Jinyoung called out to him with open arms, "Taek-" He punched him.

Jinyoung went from seeing Taekwoon's large fist to seeing stars in a matter of seconds. He toppled back to the ground where his head rang along with the echoes of gasp that ran around him. Jinyoung groaned on the floor, holding his cheek.

"Jesus _Taekwoon_ , what's wrong with you!?" Jinyoung heard Bohyung ask in a shrill voice. Then he felt Bohyung wrap her hands around his head.

"Don't you dare touch him in front of me!" Taekwoon shouted and Jinyoung forces himself to open his eyes, the pain buzzing.

" _Excuse me?_ " Bohyung replied with every letter dipped in venom. "Since when have you ever had the right to tell me what to do?"

Jinyoung sat up then, slowly, waving his hand around aggressively. "This is no place for your lovers spat children."

"How are you still making jokes?" Bohyung asked in disbelief.

"It's just built into my system," Jinyoung attempted in laughing but it just rang in his head and he groaned. "Fucking hell Taekwoon, you have a punch." Jinyoung chuckled lowly, touching his cheek lightly.

"Are you seriously still laughing?" Taekwoon hissed between grinding teeth.

Jinyoung smiled up at his friend, "It's what I do best."

Taekwoon took a threatening step forward before someone else intervened. "Jinyoung!?" Another voice called out, a voice Jinyoung had already grown accustomed enough to he could he make it out from hundreds of voices.

"Mark?" Jinyoung blinked as Mark pushed his way through the crowd and ran up to Jinyoung, crouching beside him.

"What happened to you?" Mark asked worried, and hovered his hand over Jinyoung's cheek. "You're bleeding."

Jinyoung licked his lips, "And here I thought I thought I was tasting the ground."

Bohyung got up to her feet then and stomped her way towards Taekwoon, "Why did you punch him?"

"He punched you!?" Mark asked, a mix of confusion and anger on his face. "Why did he punch you?"

"Stay out of this city boy," Taekwoon warned.

"Stop ignoring me Taekwoon," Bohyung clicked her fingers in his face. "I'm right here."

Mark helped Jinyoung up then, keeping a hand on Jinyoung's waist as they stared at the couple. The crowd was larger than Jinyoung had thought; filled with too many familiar, wrinkled faces. "We should take this somewhere else-"

"No, I'm sure whatever perfectly good reason he had for punching you like that he can say out loud here," Bohyung demanded causing the crowd to whisper loudly.

Taekwoon bit his lip and flickered his eyes over Bohyung's shoulder to glare at Jinyoung, who simply smiled, and then regretted it instantly as the pain ran through his face.

"I know," He began and turned to glare at Bohyung. "That you're cheating on me with Jinyoung."

"What?" Bohyung replied flatly.

“What?” Mark repeated.

"What?" Jinyoung echoed, a look of absolute defeat on his face.

"Jinyoung, aren't you gay?" Mark asked.

"Yeah, last time I checked."

"We're you always this stupid Taekwoon?" Bohyung spat and Jinyoung quickly ran in to break the conversation.

"Oooookay." Jinyoung chuckled, his face stiff. "Time to move this somewhere else." Jinyoung said and put a hand on Bohyung's back, to which Taekwoon growled in protest.

Jinyoung quickly lifted his hand and sighed, "Please can we go somewhere else?" Jinyoung mumbled through his teeth, his eyes flickering towards the crowd.

Taekwoon looked around for a moment before he let out a large breath and turned around. Bohyung following behind, mumbling incoherently under her breath. Jinyoung stared at the backs of the two of them and wondered just how they got there.

 

 

 

 

☔️

The four of them went to the flower shop in silence. Taekwoon stayed at the entrance while Bohyung went into the back for the first aid kit. Sitting from behind the counter, Jinyoung stared at Taekwoon and wondered just how long it'd been seen he last saw him surrounded by the flowers. He always seemed so comfortable here so it was odd to watch his foot tap nervously against the floor as he inched closer and closer to the exit.

"You sure you're fine?" Mark asked, crouched beside Jinyoung and worriedly looking up at Jinyoung's cheek.

Jinyoung patted his head and gave him a small smile, "I'm fine. What are you doing here anyway? Don't you have work?"

"We came here for lunch...we were going to come visit you here but saw the crowd." Mark explained.

"We?"

"Youngjae and I," Mark said.

"Haven't seen him in a-" Jinyoung came to an abrupt halt when Bohyung slammed the first aid box onto the counter and made her way round to face Taekwoon.

"You want to start explaining where you came up with that ridiculous conclusion, Taekwoon?" Bohyung began whilst Mark grabbed the first aid kit and opened it. Jinyoung watched the two of them face off while Mark started tabbing something on Jinyoung's lip.

"Doesn't it hurt?" Mark asked, a little surprised. Jinyoung just shook his head.

"Your neighbours told me...that they'd been seeing Jinyoung frequently enter your house at night for the past couple of weeks. Why was he at your house in the middle of the night?" Taekwoon asked her accusatively.

"He comes to tell me his problems, because I'm his _friend." Bohyung snapped._

 _"In the middle of the night? Multiple times?"_ Taekwoon shot back. "Tell me how anyone isn't going to misunderstand?"

"Because you're not anyone," She shrieked. "You are my fiancée, and he is your friend, your only friend mind you. And you trust us, or at least that's what I expected."

A guilty look took over Taekwoon's face and Jinyoung couldn't tell what kind of face Bohyung was making but something told him he didn't want to see it with the way her voice shook.

"What am I supposed to do?" Taekwoon sighed, his voice now back to its usual low and timid. "You wouldn't tell me where you were going. Why you were acting differently?"

"And I told you I would tell you when you were ready," Bohyung said.

"What is that supposed to mean? You think it's not driving me insane not knowing?" Taekwoon desperately took a step forward but then stopped and took the step back.

"Okay all done," Mark said quietly from below and Jinyoung blinked away from the two of them and looked down.

"What's done?"

Mark tapped his cheek and Jinyoung lifted a hand to feel a small bandage plastered to his face. "Thank you," Jinyoung grinned and then flinched.

"Stop moving your face too much," Mark warned with furrowed eyebrows, placing a soft palm over Jinyoung's mended cheek.

"Can't help it," Jinyoung grinned again, only slightly. Mark shook his head.

"So you weren't cheating on me with Jinyoung?"

Bohyung sighed loudly, "Of course not."

"Yeah, okay. Just in case we forgot, I am still gay guys. Mostly for my friend Mark here." Jinyoung nodded and threw a hand around Mark's shoulder. Mark snorted from beneath him but Jinyoung didn't miss the small smile on his lips.

"Oh yay- no, not the time," Bohyung shook her head and turned back to Taekwoon. "You going to apologise to him?"

Taekwoon looked at Jinyoung and lowered his head, "Sorry."

"No worries big guy, I've learnt a valuable lesson today. Never get into a physical fight with Taekwoon." Jinyoung dramatically sobbed and held his cheek.

"And if you really don't trust me and want to know to such an extent, I'll tell you..." Bohyung took a deep breath. "I'm meeting your mother."

There was a still silence then, nothing but Jinyoung's mumble heard. "Cheating might have been better."

No one moved, Mark mostly confused and Jinyoung at a loss of what to do. So he clapped...twice. "Okay Bohyung I think you went lesbian for the wrong person." Jinyoung awkwardly attempted to joke.

Bohyung turned to give him a look and Jinyoung shrinked into the seat.

"My mother...?" Taekwoon breathed slowly.

Jinyoung stiffened, and Mark looked up at him with even more confusion. “What’s going on?”

“It’s time we go somewhere else,” Jinyoung said in hush and tugged on Mark’s arm, dragging him into the back room quickly. The shouts started not too soon after they shut the door.

Jinyoung let out a big sigh and flopped onto the big seat in the corner of the room. The ‘staff’ room was as dull as it gets, box room, white walls and a pin board. Mark unbuttoned his blazer and slid it off, settling it upon the desk he sat on.

“Is there an issue with Taekwoon’s mother?” Mark asked, brushing through the gel in his hair.

“Mmmm,” Jinyoung mumbled and wrapped his arms around his tucked knees. “She left when Taekwoon was in high school. I’ve never met her but I know there’s no one he hates more.”

“How can you hate your own mother?” Mark sighed and leant back onto the pin board behind him.

Jinyoung scoffed, “Well.”

Mark opened his eyes and furrowed his eyebrows, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“It’s fine,” Jinyoung said and started picking at the edges of the bandage on his face. “I wouldn’t say it’s hate for him though. More like the feeling of being betrayed.”

“Betrayed?”

Jinyoung nodded, “She left her son and husband for another man, no one wouldn’t feel hurt.”

“Sometimes it’s inevitable, forcing someone to stay isn’t any good either,” Mark mumbled and played with the buttons of his cuffs.

Jinyoung wasn’t sure who they were talking about anymore. Mark, Jinyoung had realised, was a quiet person. He wasn’t sure if this was meant to be obvious trait from the beginning, or maybe he was so uncharacteristically straightforward that he didn’t realise. Either way, he didn’t speak about himself a lot. All Jinyoung knew were the basics.

A slam came from outside then and the two of them made their way out to find Bohyung staring out at a swinging door, her trembling hands hovering above her lips.

“What happened?” Jinyoung asked from behind.

Bohyung’s stiff shoulders deflated as she turned around, “He left, obviously. I didn’t expect him to understand.”

“You know how he feels about his mother, how could you just decide to go meet her?”

“I was going to marry her son,” Bohyung shouted. “And what Taekwoon refuses to understand is the importance of a parent. He’s been sheltered his whole life, he refuses to see anything past his own fucking ego.”

Jinyoung sighed heavily and leant back onto the counter, “This can’t keep going on like this. You guys were going to get married.”

“Evidently not with these problems,” Bohyung said in a low tone and she too sighed as if she hadn’t slept for a decade and the exhaustion was finally catching up with her.

Jinyoung pursed his lips and made his way towards her, “Why don’t we just close the shop for the day? You need some rest.”

Oddly enough, Bohyung meekly nodded and did just as Jinyoung said. It wasn’t long till the three of them packed up and closed everything. Mark made his way back to work, and Jinyoung walked Bohyung home.

 

 

 

 

 

☔️

In the depth of night, Jinyoung sat in the middle of his mattress, with nothing but a desk lamp on. He sat crouched over a book, the covers laid upon his head in his own personal igloo. It was cold, the wind howling like ghosts and the distant cracks of thunder rattling Jinyoung to his bones. He was finding it hard to concentrate, the rain pummelling so hard it made his own heart beat turn into nothing but a distant hum.

Jinyoung eventually gave up, the words on the pages turning into nothing but splatters of ink and the pictures nothing but dark blurs. He flopped forward, digging himself into his covers, where he’d hope his pillow would take him away into sleep. But seconds, minutes ticked by and Jinyoung found himself blinking at nothing but the darkness past his balcony.

A clatter came then, startling Jinyoung because the thunder wasn’t that close to home and the wind wasn’t strong enough to shake the doors. He gets up and jumps again when another clatter happens, this time he sees something jumping onto his balcony, something small. Jinyoung steps back at the third clatter, and it isn’t till the fourth one does he finally realise someones throwing pebbles at his balcony.

He quickly hops over puddles of array underwear and trousers and grabs a blanket to throw over himself. He goes to unlock the balcony doors and squeals a little when his bare feet meet the cold wet floor of the outside, the wind quick to bite at his skin. Looking down, Jinyoung squints, the tight alley way of the town looked like a maze from his balcony, leading you away into nothing but shadows.

“Hello?” Jinyoung calls out, looking down. Something moves from below, an umbrella shifts backward. “Who is it?”

“...me!” The voice from below calls out.

“What?” Jinyoung replied. “Okay, wait I’ll come down.”

“Mark!” The voice shouted.

“Mark!?”

It doesn’t take long for Jinyoung to shuffle back inside, throw the blanket aside and scuffle his way down stairs quickly. His feet are still wet so he skids several times and tip toes down the stairs, just not to risk his life. Once he reached the bar, he basically flew himself at the front door to unlock it, letting Mark in.

Jinyoung watches Mark bring a smile and the rain inside with him. He settles the closed umbrella by the door, and ruffles at his damp hair. “Hey, I didn’t wake you, did I?” Mark whispered, despite no one else being here, there was a quiet to the bar that for some reason none of them wanted to break.

“No,” Jinyoung replied back softly. “Come upstairs?”

Mark smiled, a small hand settled on Jinyoung’s cheek before he nodded towards the stairs. They made their way upstairs quickly, nothing but the dripping of the umbrella and the low creaks of their footsteps left behind. Mark quickly makes his way to Jinyoung’s bedroom, while Jinyoung stopped by the bathroom to grab a towel.

“Isn’t the point of an umbrella not to get wet?” Jinyoung snorted as he threw him the towel. Mark already settled onto the edge of mattress, undoing his tie and slipping off his shoes.

“Yeah well the alley’s are too tight to get a good look at your balcony without looking straight up,” Mark huffed, throwing the towel over his head. Jinyoung stepped towards him and bent to his knees, tugging on either ends of the towel, he ruffled at Mark’s hair. Mark squinted a little at the feeling and then looked up at Jinyoung with a small smile.

Jinyoung blinked at him, “What?”

“Nothing,” Mark purred, leaning into Jinyoung’s hand. “I just like this.”

Jinyoung bit his lip, a poor attempt in holding back his own smile. Despite the rain still dripping from the ends of Mark’s fringe, Jinyoung’s palms felt warm through the towel he held against Mark’s cheeks.

“Did you just come back from work?” Jinyoung asked, finally noting the astray blazer settled beside Mark’s hand.

“Hmmm, it’s been a long week,” Mark groaned and flopped back onto the mattress. “We’ve got a new product rolling out next month, it’s busy.”

“Oh? What is it?” Jinyoung absentmindedly replied, picking up Mark’s blazer to put it on a hanger and settled it on the back of the door.

“Classified information,” Mark said and rolls to his side, clutching the cover close to him.

“Stingy,” Jinyoung rolled his eyes and went to sit next to Mark. He had his eyes closed, but Mark still managed fine his way to Jinyoung’s lap and settle his head upon it. “Is there something wrong? It’s pretty late, don’t you want to go home?”

Mark shuffled onto his back and opened his eyes to look up at Jinyoung, “Do you want me to go home?” Mark murmured, his hand reaching upwards to tickle at the ends of Jinyoung’s fringe. Jinyoung goes to grab it and takes it down, intertwining their fingers together slowly.

“No, it’s just you’ve never come here so late,” Jinyoung replied, revelling in the inbetweens of Mark’s fingers, the softness of his skin so delicate under his touch.

“I was coming from work and I saw your lights were on is all,” Mark breathed, shutting his eyes again, whilst his grip on Jinyoung’s hand grew tighter. “Also it was...raining, I was wondering if you couldn’t sleep.”

Jinyoung hummed lowly, “Well, you were right.”

Mark sat up then, “Let’s go to bed then, I’ll stay here all night cuddling you till you sleep.”

“Am I child?” Jinyoung snorted.

“No, but I’m just using it as an excuse,” Mark laughed and threw himself upon Jinyoung, letting the two of them land softly on the pillows. Mark scuffled the two of them closer together, a smile etched onto his face all the whilst. “Comfortable?”

Jinyoung looked down at Mark and laughed, giving into the comfort, he shuffled closer and slid an arm around Mark’s neck, hugging him close. “Comfortable.” Jinyoung muttered into Mark’s hair.

They’re still for a long moment, Jinyoung breathing in the scent of the rain from Mark’s hair, and Mark listening in to the soft patter of Jinyoung’s heart. Jinyoung was comfortable, more than comfortable, he felt...he felt _right_. As if these arms had grown to the perfect length just for Mark to fit in between them, as if his chest had been carved just especially for Mark to settle himself within, as if he’d come to this town simply to revel in the fluttering warmth that was Mark Tuan.

“What were you doing all alone?” Mark hoarsely asked, his breathing heavier. He was about to fall asleep.

“Reading.”

“Reading what?”

“A book on flower arrangements-”

Mark chuckled, “You’re trying hard.”

“I have to,” Jinyoung murmured, the faint image of Bohyung’s deflated shoulders resurfaced in his mind. “I need to help her, somehow.”

“You also need to sleep,” Mark retorted.

“I will, I will,” Jinyoung sighed softly. “Eventually.”

 

 

 

 

☔️

The morning came with chirping birds and warmth. Along with the first ray of sun Jinyoung had felt in a long time, it tingled against his skin, or maybe that was Mark’s fingers ghosting over the lines of his face.

“Morning,” Jinyoung groggily said, feeling Mark flinch, he grinned.

“You were awake?”

“I am now,” Jinyoung yawned and rubbed at his eyes, pulling them open to find Mark’s face close and staring. “Stop staring at me like that.” He groaned and threw a hand to drag down Mark’s face.

“I want to though,” Mark pouted, to which Jinyoung just offered a lazy raise of his eyebrow.

“What time is it?” Jinyoung asked, rolling onto his back to stretch out his hands upwards.

“Seven in the morning?” Mark answered unsurely.

“Good, I’ve got time,” Jinyoung said into his pillow and shut his eyes again.

“Well, I was meant to leave for work half another ago…”

“Wait what? Why haven’t you gone then?”

“Well, I woke up and saw your face.” Mark admitted bluntly.

“You’re gross.”

“I’m romantic,” Mark corrected.

“You’re still gross,” Jinyoung grumbled, and flopped off the mattress to the ground, taking the cover with him.

“Well this gross guy is going to leave now,” Mark huffed. Jinyoung instantly rolled back onto the mattress and threw a leg over Mark.

“I said you’re gross, I didn’t say leave,” Jinyoung mumbled, giving Mark’s taunting smirk a glare.

Mark settled down beside Jinyoung, tapping their foreheads together, he gave him a small peck on the nose, then on the cheek, then on the lips. Jinyoung purred softly, revelling in the smooth skin just under Mark’s boxer band, his fingers drawing circles onto Mark’s hip.

Mark hummed at the feeling and pressed his lips to Jinyoung’s forehead. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Mark, I slept fine,” Jinyoung assured him, slipping his hand away from Mark. He was about to pull back but Mark quickly locked him into a hug, wrapping his legs around him and shoved his head into his chest.

“You know if you ever feel like you can’t sleep, or the rain is bothering you, you can come to mine, right?” Mark reassured him, the words muffled against Jinyoung’s head.

Jinyoung closed his eyes for a moment and sighed, “Thanks.”

“I’m serious.”

Jinyoung grimaced. “You’ve never invited me to your house before, how could I just turn up unannounced? Especially if you come home at times like last night?” He got up then, and headed towards the balcony doors where he stretched out his arms one more time and bathed in the sun for a moment.

Mark shuffled from behind, “Do you want to come over?”

“What?” Jinyoung turned around to find Mark drowning in the blue covers, his hair sticking up in fifty different direct sections. And he smiles, smiles wide, all teeth and slitted eyes and Jinyoung felt his heart squeeze a little. He goes towards him and bends down, brushing his fingers through Mark’s hair. “I can come over?”

“Of course you can, didn’t think you even needed to ask,” Mark laughed and pinched at Jinyoung’s cheek. “Want to have lunch at mine then? I’ll cook.”

“Don’t you have work?”

“Make it a Sunday.”

The relief that surged through Jinyoung was similar to the feeling Jinyoung gets when he wakes up in the morning and finds it isn’t raining. He’s relieved over how calmly Mark had invited him, as if he hadn’t had something to hide, as if Jinyoung could believe he didn’t have something to hide. Or so he hoped so.

 

 

 

 

☔️

Jinyoung’s huffing, his breath gone with the frigid wind, and left his lungs with nothing but ache. Jinyoung’s stamina was just as non existent as the sun in this rain-stricken town, so the fact he had even managed to reach the top of the hill, where the graveyard met the sunset everyday, without dropping was a feat in itself.

He doesn't like coming up here, other than the fact it was basically on the edge of a high cliff, there was something about that graves that always unsettled Jinyoung. More than just the fact it was a burial ground, more than the names etched on stone, and more than the souls that seem to howl with the wind - Jinyoung always thought about how one day he’d be there. And that there would be no one he loved to bury him, or to meet him on the other side.

Loneliness was an infectious disease Jinyoung was all too acquainted with, so just as he repeatedly told himself in the past; it’s okay if he has no one in the very end, it’s okay.

Besides thoughts like that right now weren’t fair to Mark, Mark with all his resolve and contagious love stored up inside him. Jinyoung didn’t deserve it, he knew he didn’t deserve any of it. And yet he still gave into that tiny voice filled with greed and lonesomeness, and decided that if such a beautiful person were to be fleeting, he’d enjoy the flutter as much as he can.

His thoughts disperse the second he leaves the graveyard, because just beyond the rocky path is a field of flowers dyed in the same colour as the horizon, and Jinyoung can hardly grip the dark thoughts when a sight as beautiful as orange hew and dancing petals was before him. Bohyung always loved the flowers here, budding daisies blooming in prickles of pink and red and smelt like the crisp wind Jinyoung hated so much.

But he picked, and he picked, and he picked for her, because her lowered head and her dark circles were things words couldn’t change, or at least Jinyoung’s words. And he felt pathetic and useless, that for one of the few people that love him, and care for him, all he can do is snap some stems and hand her dying colours that'll give her a smile for a moment, until the browning of the petals takes it away. But what else was he to do?

 _Taekwoon_ , was the only thing can fix everything, but that wasn't the reason Jinyoung was thinking of him. Rather it was because he saw a familiar silhouette, loose jumper and tight jeans, and a head of hair so dark, Jinyoung realised it was the perfect representation for his soul.

Taekwoon was in the field too, picking flowers. Except he wasn't picking them from their stems, but rather from their petals, one by one, he let the yellow dance in the air until the wind whisked it away over the cliff.

"He loves me, he loves me not..." Jinyoung danced towards the bent figure. "He loves me! He loves me not?" He continued as he settled on the ground too, and rest his back against Taekwoon's. He felt cold. "Don't worry Taekwoon, you don't need a flower to tell you how much I love you."

"Jinyoung..." Taekwoon sighed into the air. "How did you know I was here?"

"I didn't," Jinyoung replied, picking a flower of his own. "I came to pick some flowers for Bohyung."

"Oh..." Is all he responds with, or at least that's what Jinyoung thought he heard, the wind was picking up.

There's a moment of silence as Jinyoung tugs on a petal, contemplating whether to pull it off or not. "Sorry-" Taekwoon said quickly, his voice low but close to Jinyoung's ear. Jinyoung let go of the petal and dropped his hands, letting himself arch further back onto Taekwoon.

"Taekwoon, you're apologizing?" Jinyoung chuckled lowly staring at Taekwoon from the side.

Taekwoon looked down at him with a dead stare, his mouth parted as if to say something else but he just ends up sighing again. "Is your face alright?"

"Well, you hit me pretty hard, but not enough to make any permanent damage," Jinyoung grinned and nudged his friend's shoulder. Taekwoon didn't really have much of a response but Jinyoung noticed how he relaxed ever so slightly back into Jinyoung.

The wind howls again then, louder and Jinyoung winced at the rush of cold that bit at his cheek. He watched the tree's in the distance shudder and how the sea of flowers seemed to wave in sync, the wind pulling their fragile heads in one direction and then round. Taekwoon's hair tickled at the back of Jinyoung's neck then, "You should really cut your hair."

"Maybe some time later."

"You going to talk to Bohyung again?" Jinyoung inevitably asked.

Taekwoon flinched from beneath Jinyoung, “You’re really bad at dancing around the bush.”

Jinyoung shrugged, and waited patiently for a response. Knowing Taekwoon could probably take hours, maybe days, weeks. But he had to know Jinyoung was going to be there waiting, even if at a point Bohyung won't. "I'm scared." Taekwoon finally said out loud, and it frightened Jinyoung, not because of what he said, but because of how he said it. As if he were on the verge of tears, and as far as Jinyoung was concerned, Taekwoon had dried up years ago.

Jinyoung's eyebrows furrowed together as he goes to nudge Taekwoon in the back as an awkward way of comfort. "What are you scared of?"

"That'll she leave me one day."

"Well, you're doing a pretty good job of making that happen."

"Thanks..." Taekwoon sighed. "I mean, when we get married."

"Oh." Jinyoung started to pull out the grass.

"What if she's just like my mother?"

"Is your mother a bad person?"

" _Jinyoung-_ "

"Your mother fell in love with someone else, and it's shit, it's really shit," Jinyoung said. "But that doesn't make her a bad person. And it doesn't mean you can reflect your mummy issues onto Bohyung. You know, it's not fair."

"I can't help it." Taekwoon said weakly.

Jinyoung let out a breath filled with irritance. "So basically all this cheating nonsense, all blaming her for your woes and then shouting at her for meeting your mother, was just a way for you to hide the fact you're getting cold feet?"

Taekwoon didn't respond, his head hung low like a child being scolded. "It's bad-"

"It's really _fucking_ bad," Jinyoung said harshly and then shoved himself to his feet. "Do you know how she's feeling? Like this is all her fault?" Jinyoung's voice rose, the window picking up and his hair danced violently with it. He walked round Taekwoon to bend onto his knees and look him dead in the eye.

Taekwoon however gave Jinyoung a brief acknowledgment before looking away, down at the flower he'd mutilated and left petal-less. "What if she leaves me one day?"

"Then she would have done it for a reason," Jinyoung replied. "But _if_ doesn't mean she _will_. Look, Taekwoon, I'm the last person to give relationship advice but I know Bohyung, she loves you, too much for someone so... _you_." Taekwoon looks up at that one. "So before you lose her over worrying about losing her...make up with her, and tell her you love her." Jinyoung said finally.

It's not like he was expecting some big smile, a hug of optimism, or anything he said to actually change anything at all. But Taekwoon nodded, to Jinyoung's surprise, and he took a deep breath in and let it out as if an attempt to release all the negativity he was so good at hoarding inside himself. And that was probably the best thing Taekwoon had done in a long time.

 

 

 

 

☔️

After that, Jinyoung had gone back to the flowershop to deliver the flowers back to Bohyung. She stared at Jinyoung in disgust for a moment but still offered a secret smile when she took them and put them in a vase. Jinyoung's about to go on an errand for the bar but Bohyung makes a small noise and calls out to Jinyoung.

"What?" Jinyoung blinked at her from the in between the door.

"Bastard," Bohyung muttered and gave Jinyoung a small glare, her eyes red. Jinyoung's heart sank. "They're from him aren't they?"

Jinyoung bit his lip, "How did you know?"

"He always pulls the flowers from their roots, never did care that he was dropping soil all over my living room floor when he brought them over." She smiled, the tears brimming her eyes. "Thank you Jinyoung."

Jinyoung sighed, helpless at what to do, "Just wait for him Bohyung, he needs time... _Idiot_."

"You got that right!" She laughed hoarsely and dabbed quickly at her cheek before giving Jinyoung a nod for him to leave already. And he blew her a kiss before leaving, not realising she had caught it and put it in her pocket.

 

 

 

 

☔️

The Sunday that came, Jinyoung was up and ready by midday. He had spent a good hour in the mirror combing out his hair into so many styles he wondered if his hair was just going to chip off and fall from the excessive amount of wax. Eventually he threw himself back in the shower and left the house with the same messy bangs covering his forehead, but smelling of mint (thanks to Yugyeom’s shampoo).

He decided to stop off at the Bohyung’s shop quickly, wondering if it’d be too much to bring flowers for his wife. But he wanted to show his respect, besides she’s probably cursing him from somewhere on the other side, nothing like a peace offering.

“What the fuck?” Bohyung gasped as Jinyoung entered the shop stiffly.

“W-what? Do I look weird?”

“You look _human_ and on a Sunday?” Bohyung gaped as she moved around the counter, settling her mug of tea on it carefully. “Who...oh god, who did you kill?”

Jinyoung’s face dropped, “Hilarious.”

“I can’t help it, the last time I saw you look so...fresh was when Heeyoung was hospitalized three years ago.”

“Yes, well, when you work two shifts a day, how you look is hardly a concern,” Jinyoung said with pursed lips as he slid his way to bucket full of white lilies. “I’m going to take two of these, okay?”

“And how you going to pay for them?”

“I think that punch from Taekwoon the other time is worth more than payment for these, don’t you think?” Jinyoung suggested with a hmph.

“Oh please, you’re going to give his dead wife flowers and then fuck him later?” Bohyung words stabbed but Jinyoung decided not to take it personally, after all she was probably just jealous.

“Just because I’m getting dick, and you aren’t, doesn’t mean you get to be bitter,” Jinyoung said with twiddle of his finger.

“Get out.” Bohyung demanded.

“Lovely talking to you too, see ya!” Jinyoung called and made his way out of the exit fast.

His steps were light, he could hardly contain the excitement bubbling inside him, he almost snapped the lilies in his hands in half. Arriving at Mark’s house was quicker than he’d anticipated, how did all the alleys and pebble paths pass by him so fast? He was nervous when he lifted his hand to knock, and he’s not entirely sure why, he had a feeling it’s got something to do with how official the moment felt.

Somehow the door is already open before Jinyoung even managed to bring his fist to it, and he’s greeted with Mark in an apron. “Hey!”

“Are you psychic?”

“I wish, I’ve just been staring outside the window for so long- and you didn’t hear me say that just now,” Mark said quickly and stepped away to let Jinyoung in. Jinyoung couldn’t help but snort, a little bit of his nervousness bubbling away with it.

The house was different compared to last time Jinyoung had come. Before it was vacant and a little hollow, now it was...messy, well it was messy before, but this had a more homely mess to it. There weren’t any boxes stacked up in front of the doorway, or going down the hall, instead there was a mountain of coats and jumpers hanging by the entrance. There were keys and mail cluttered by the shelf on the wall, and there was a new phone placed beside the door frame leading into the living room. There were shoes in their dozen cluttered among neatly laid out slippers. There was the atmosphere, that even though the place was practically silent, you could almost feel the buzzing of people in the air.

The closest thing Jinyoung had ever experienced to home than the one he grew up in was always Bohyung’s place, but this house hummed with life, whereas Bohyung’s house always seem to sleep in a calm gentleness that came with hot chocolate after shoveling layers and layers of snow.

“You cleaned up,” Jinyoung said aloud, slipping off his trainers and snuggling into a pair of slippers.

“What?” Mark looked back confused. Jinyoung bit his lip, trying not to laugh at the bow he had made at the back of the apron.

“Hm?” Jinyoung looked up, distracted.

“You’ve been here before?”

“Uh yeah, remember? I took home the little girl...Taehee?” Jinyoung let the name hang in the air as he followed Mark to the kitchen. However, Mark had barely made a reaction, didn’t even stiffen as he slid behind the counter and picked up the chopping knife.

“Thanks for that,” Mark smiled, and Jinyoung seemed to feel a pang of disappointment. “By the way, what do you like? Because I made…everything.” He laughed bashfully, scratching the back of his neck with his free hand. The disappointment lingered despite the warm fuzzy feeling that enveloped Jinyoung at the sight of Mark’s cheeks reddening.

"I like everything, when you go a time without food at all you can hardly end up fussy ever again,” Jinyoung joked and settled on the stool in front of Mark’s chopping board. It took him a while to realise Mark had frozen, the tip of the knife just poking at the tomato. “Oh, did I make things awkward?”

“No…” Mark solemnly said and settled the knife. “I just kind of realised I don’t know enough about you.”

“Sure you do, you know I like tomatoes,” Jinyoung grinned and went to pop a slice in his mouth.

“No seriously, I mean if you want to talk about it-”

“The homeless thing?” Jinyoung finished, swallowing the food down his throat. “It’s not like I get upset talking about, sure it was unpleasant, but it gave me a new perspective on things, you know?”

Mark leant over the counter, his eyes glued to Jinyoung as if to tell him he was listening, it was the kind of concentrated stare that made Jinyoung all jittery. “Well...you know I got kicked out of my parents house, wondered for a while, thought I’d save up the money they gave me, so I didn’t eat much.”

“Was it bad?” Mark asked softly, as if there was something delicate hanging in the air.

“It wasn’t the hunger that was so bad. I mean the whole thing wasn’t for long, a week or two I slept on the pavement but...it rained, it rained every single day. And not the kind of light showers and parting clouds, it rained so heavily I kind of felt like my tears were pathetic in comparison.” Jinyoung tried to laugh it out, but there was a crack in his voice. “Either way, eventually I think I passed out or something, fever, natural elements and all that crap, I got sent to the hospital. That’s where Jackson came to pick me up, took me here. The end. Not very interesting.”

“You’re parents didn’t come to see you in hospital?” Mark furrowed his eyebrows. “The thought is just kind of...outrageous to me.”

“I don’t know...maybe?” Jinyoung mumbled, the memory was so faded and painless now, he wanted to keep it that way. “Either way I was out cold for an entire day before Jackson came. We were close when we were young, but you know his parents moved, we drifted apart pretty quick.”

“But he just let you stay?”

“Yeah, he’s always been the kinda stupid that gave too much and trusted too much.” Jinyoung laughed. “I mean I’ll still kill him when I find him, but I missed him, then and now.”

“You’re going to make me all jealous,” Mark grinned, canine teeth peeking from behind the twitch in his lips.

Jinyoung lifted an eyebrow, “For my cousin?”

“I get jealous easily, don’t underestimate me,” Mark murmured as he leant over the counter and pecked at Jinyoung’s lips. He leant back to start chopping again and Jinyoung is sat biting and licking his lip, revelling in the tingling that shot through his skin.

“Do you want some help?”

“I think you do enough work, today you relax,” Mark warned with a point of the knife.

“Relaxing makes me uneasy,” Jinyoung stated. “Besides are the other housemates coming?”

“Ah...no…they all went out today,” Mark said quickly, and there it was again, the disappointment. Maybe Jinyoung had expected too much out of today, maybe he was going too quick. The thought made him jump up from his seat all of a sudden, shocking some green onions in Mark’s hand too. “W-what?”

“I’m going to go greet your wife, is that okay?” Jinyoung quickly said with a wave of the flowers.

“Yeah, sure, thanks,” Mark smiled small as if he was pleased with the thought. “She’s in the room by the stairs that opens to the garden.”

Jinyoung nodded and grabbed the lilies tightly between his fingers. The room was dimly lit, the garden doors shut tightly to keep out the cold and nothing but winter sun coming through the paper filled frames. There was an ethereal feeling to it all, or maybe it’s the fact the shrine set up for Taehee’s Mother was so well kept and beautiful, that if he stood still enough, he could almost hear the souls in the room.

He goes to bend on his knees and peered at the wooden frame; dried flowers scattered across the surface, faded colours of pink and orange circled around the unlit candles that stood around an empty space that felt as if there was something that was meant to be there. Jinyoung found himself frowning as he realised there was no picture of Mark's wife anywhere on the small shrine.

Jinyoung eventually settled the lilies down, finding himself feeling a little awkward, he let out a nervous chuckle and then interlocked his fingers together. He doesn't really know what to say, Jinyoung just kind of imagined this ghost of a woman laughing at him for taking this _thing_ with Mark a little too seriously. But he prays for her soul, he prays for her daughter's well being, and he prays that she'd allow more than just a _thing_ with Mark. A selfish request, and going against Jinyoung's own priorities, but he was feeling greedy, Mark made him want more. Jinyoung caught himself, embarrassed, and glad that the dead could not talk back.

“You’ve been in here for a while?” Mark said as he entered the room, the apron now hanging off his waist.

“Mmmm, we had a good chat,” Jinyoung nodded earnestly.

“Did you? What did you talk about it?”

“Your disappointing sized co-”

“Okay! Food’s ready Jinyoung, I’d love for you to come eat, please,” Mark coughed and patted consciously at his apron.

Jinyoung laughed and got up but he wasn’t quite ready to leave yet, "Why is there no picture?"

"Ah...the frame broke recently, so I'm getting it repaired."

“Did she like flowers?”

“She loved them,” Mark replied. “Would drag me over to fields every weekend just so she could pick some of those purple bell flowers for her room. That’s why we put her beside the garden, so this spring we can plant and let her look out to the plants.”

Jinyoung smiled and then looked up at Mark, “Okay! That’s enough now, don’t you think?”

“Hm?”

“What, am I stupid Mark?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about?”

“Taehee...she’s your kid, isn’t she?” The fact was so painstakingly obvious, Jinyoung just felt ridiculous not coming out with it already. “You know Taehee buys her mum the exact same flowers every week from our flower shop, right? Although I figured it out a while ago.”

Mark froze, Jinyoung staring at him with unblinking eyes. "Mark?"

“Ah, jesus, Jinyoung,” Mark groaned and quickly made his way to the exit behind him. Jinyoung followed behind him, a look of confusion and amazement shrouding his face.

“What? What could I have possibly done wrong?” Jinyoung gaped, entering the living room with open arms.

“No, it’s not- hmmm,” Mark fidgeted where he stood at the entrance of the open kitchen. He had his hand covering half his face. “How long have you known?”

“Uh awhile, friend.”

“ _Jesus._ ” Mark groaned and crouched down.

“What? Don’t tell me you were actually trying to hide it from me, because that’s both stupid and a little shit.” Jinyoung retorted and went to bend down in front of Mark.

Mark, his face deep red, peaked out from behind his knees and hands and grumbled. “More like avoiding it?”

“Why?”

“ _Why?_ ” Mark squeaked. “I hardly had your attention at first and then we finally, you know, and I just kept thinking I didn’t want to do or say anything that’d make you run off.”

Jinyoung sighed and went to grab Mark’s fingers lightly, “Do I seem that fickle to you?”

“Yeah, kind of.” Mark bluntly replied.

Jinyoung snorted out of helplessness, his fingers entangling with Mark’s until they’re interlocked and Mark’s just staring at Jinyoung bashfully with a pout on his face. He leant in to peck him on the lips, and when unsatisfied with the light touch, leant in again, pressing his lips against Mark’s firmer.

“Unfortunately, I don’t think I have the capability to leave you at this point, sorry you got a clinger,” Jinyoung shrugged and chuckled, taking his lips to press them into Mark’s cheeks. He thinks he can almost taste the blush on his tongue. Mark snaked his hands around Jinyoung’s neck and brought the two of them together in an awkward ball, where he snuggled his face into Jinyoung’s neck, and Jinyoung could feel his smile imprinting onto his skin.

“I’m happy with that,” Mark hummed, and Jinyoung felt a lightness to him as he too settled his head in the nape of Mark’s neck, and felt like there was no sweeter sound than the beat of his heart.

 

 

 

 

☔️

The bar is bustling, as it usually does on a Friday night, except Jinyoung has more of a jump to his step and feels far more enthusiastic in waiting tables and serving drinks than usual. Other people also seem to notice, pointing out how especially bright his smile was that day and how he seemed to laugh and actually mean it. It made Jinyoung wonder if he was bad at keeping up the pretense before but then he realised there's probably just a difference, between being content and being happy.

"Yugyeom, two fries and onion rings, hurry up!" Jinyoung shouted out from between the crack in the kitchen door.

"Ready!"

Jinyoung breaks, "What?"

"They're done, take them!" He called out.

Jinyoung poked his head into the kitchen, "Are you serious? Are you just cooking anything, we're going to lose stock that way." Jinyoung worriedly said as he walked towards the counter, settling the baskets onto a tray.

"Don't worry, you're not the only one remembering customers and their orders," Yugyeom grinned cheekily, Jinyoung gave him a look and scoffed.

He took the food but gave Yugyeom a quick look and frowned, "You okay Yugyeom?"

Yugyeom looked up innocently, "What?"

"You've got some serious dark circles there."

"You're one to talk."

"Seriously."

"It's nothing Jinyoung," Yugyeom smiled, uncharacteristically. "My mum's just stressing me about university, typical."

"Anything I can do?"

"No don't worry about it, thanks."

Jinyoung gave him a look and nodded. "Good job." Jinyoung said before heading back into the bar, and served the table their respective orders.

Just as Jinyoung was about to head back towards the bar, where several men chatter with empty glasses, he noticed something, or rather someone. Bohyung and her out-of-season floral dress sat on a high table, her legs swinging excitedly and the first thing Jinyoung thought was _shit, she's already moved on_. But then his eyes slid across the table to a familiar face but seemingly distant all at the same time.

"Ah...Yongsun?" Jinyoung called out uncertainly.

Bohyung turned around then, a sly smirk on her lips, "We've been here for over an hour Jinyoung, seriously?"

"Nice to see you again Jinyoung," Yongsun grinned, that kind of angelic smile that deserved an orchestra and a heavenly light.

"Oh my god," Jinyoung quickly dropped his tray onto the table and shuffled to join the two girls on the table. "It's been so long, what am I doing?" He got up off the stool and went to hug Yongsun, who squeezed him back, her light laughter no different to what Jinyoung remembered.

“You haven’t changed much over these past two years,” Yongsun said with a tilt of her head. “I was expecting more wrinkles.”

“You’re still just as hilarious.” Jinyoung rolled his eyes and peaked at her. “You’ve got a tan.”

Yongsun gave her bare arms a look and grinned, “It didn’t take much, compared this colour sucking town.”

“You can say that again, I’m about to become translucent,” Bohyung grumbled.

“How are you? How’s uni? How’s...I don’t know the world?” Jinyoung excitedly asked, leaning into the table and Yongsun smiled bashfully, happy with the attention.

“Here we go,” Bohyung sighed and looked back at the bar. “I’m going to go pour myself a drink.”

Bohyung ended up pouring everyone a drink because Jinyoung had become so immersed in hearing what Youngsun had to say, he’d completely forgotten he was at the bar. She’d speak about Egypt, pyramids so high it felt like they poked holes in the sky where the stars sat, and she also complained about the heat that seemed to constantly to stick to the back of her throat. Jinyoung listened attentively as she spoke about her adventures across the Middle East and Europe, seen things, spoke to people, been to places Jinyoung could hardly imagine in such a small, grey town.

He thought he’d like it, no he’d love it, to see pointless things like the Big Ben, and Mount Rushmore. To taste the sun of deserts and snow of mountains, and feel both infinite and so little in such a large world. But it wasn’t that he wanted to leave here, it’s just he didn’t like the idea of being chained here forever either.

Yongsun, although, had changed, subtly. She was naive back then, a girl too caught up in herself she couldn’t see the people around her, but now, she seemed to glow with maturity. She was no longer the child that used to cling to Jinyoung.

“I feel like you’ve gone somewhere very far,” Jinyoung softly said, staring wistfully at the girl before him.

She gave him a look, a little blush to her cheeks and smiled. “But I’ve come back.”

“Your mum was excited,” Jinyoung said, leaning back. “I hadn’t seen her on her feet in so long, the book shop looked like a different place.”

“I saw, she was calling me everyday after I told her I was coming home,” Yongsun laughed, a finger tracing the edges of her abandoned drink.

“She missed you.”

“Hmmm, but she also knew how much this trip had meant to me,” Yongsun nodded, looking lost into the remains of her whisky. “I needed to leave here, this town is suffocating.”

Jinyoung wanted to agree, because he understood, but he also doesn’t know if he could leave. He wasn’t sure how Yongsun did either, how she saw all she did, and decided in the end she wanted to come to this nowhere town hidden underneath clouds and shadows.

“What about you?” Yongsun looked up, sliding her hands to cross over each other on the table. “Anything changed?”

Jinyoung instantly thought of Mark, “Not really.” But also _really_.

Yongsun’s stare lingered for a moment, as if not satisfied with the answer but she nodded and looked away. “So where’s Jackson?”

“Ah, your mum didn’t tell you? He ran off a while ago, don’t know where he’s been,” Jinyoung pursed his lips, wondering if he was ever going to find him. There was little places to hide in this town.

“Typical.”

“Is it?”

“Obviously. Jackson never could stay in one place too long, the only reason he was around here for four years was because of you.” Youngsun explained.

“How can you be so sure?”

“Jinyoung, I know him, sure we got age difference but he’s practically my brother,” Yongsun said convincingly.

“I wish I could say the same thing - he didn’t even say goodbye, or tell me when he’d come back,” Jinyoung sighed, the irritation growing as he thought about the note Jackson had left.

“He hates saying goodbyes, even you know that,” Youngsan retorted. “Sometimes I don’t think he’ll ever get over his mother’s death.”

The mood turned solemn then. Jinyoung didn’t know the details but three years before he had been dragged to this town, Jackson’s mother had died in a car accident on the highway leading here. He remembered attending her funeral and never seeing Jackson there, not even at the wake, he had simply disappeared for months and came back as if nothing had happened. Every year Jinyoung visits her grave alone at the top of the hill, and cleans it himself, placing flowers upon it. It’d been eight years, and Jackson had yet to visit his mother.

“You guys have been talking for hours, what’s more to say?” Bohyung sighed and settled herself tiredly upon the stool. Jinyoung looked up at her in a kind of trance before he snapped out of it and took in the rest of the bar. It was empty.

“Oh my god,” Jinyoung cursed and half toppled off the stool.

“Don’t worry Jinyoung, I dealt with it today,” Bohyung reassured him, downing the drink in her hands. Jinyoung stared at her, shocked, and then slid back onto the stool meekly.

“Sorry,” Jinyoung mumbled.

“It’s fine I knew this would happen when I decided to bring her here - which is why I wore my pretty dress,” Bohyung joked, licking her lips for the remains of her drink.

“Taekwoon would have killed me.” Jinyoung groaned.

“Speaking of which, Bohyung, I’ve been wondering when you were going to ask me to go dress shopping.” Yongsun leant in, excited. “Doesn’t the maid of honour do stuff like that? Shopping? I don’t know, it’s going to be my first time.”

Bohyung and Jinyoung went rigid then, Jinyoung cranking his head towards Bohyung, giving her a questioning smile. She hadn’t told her yet.

Something banged loudly from the kitchen then, Jinyoung took the opportunity to leave the conversation as soon as he could and made his way to the kitchen.

“Is everything okay?” Jinyoung asked, walking through the doors.

Yugyeom popped his head up from between the counters and grinned cheekily, “Sorry, just dropped this.” He said with a twirl of the wok in his hand.

Jinyoung furrowed his eyebrows at Yugyeom’s tired expression, “Yugyeom go to sleep, you can sleep in the staff room tonight.”

Yugyeom looked surprised for a moment and then awkwardly laughed, “Ah, you’re too kind.”

 

 

 

 

☔️

In the dead of the night, in this solemn, desolate town, there were very few sounds but the wind outside or the rain trickling down the window panes. Noises that would bleed into dreams, and sing you lullabies or whisper you horrors that’d soon fade with the clouds until your lids blink to the rising sun.

Usually Jinyoung would awake, whenever he did sleep, in the middle of the night to numbness and a blank image. Dreams he was sure he tasted too soon dissolved like cotton candy on the tongue and all that was left was the bittersweetness. That night, he woke up to a warm body whimpering.

It was pitch dark, but Jinyoung was already too used to the blackness around him that tapping for the lamp became second nature. A bright blue light drowned the room and Jinyoung shifted upwards to find Mark lying on his back beside him, tears spilling down his open eyes.

“Are you alright?” Jinyoung asked, his voice hoarse.

Mark licked his lips and opened his mouth, nothing but a harsh breath escaped his lips. Jinyoung grimaced as he took a thumb and rubbed away the tears that settled upon Mark’s cheek.

“Nightmare?” Jinyoung whispered the word, taking a finger and pressing at the crease between Mark’s eyebrows. Mark looked up at him from between the gaps and offered a small shake. He sat up, rubbing at his face, and then looked to the side towards Jinyoung, his bangs disheveled and slightly kinked.

“Memories.” Mark whispered back and took a hand to Jinyoung’s face, his palm grazed against his cheek until he settled it upon Jinyoung’s shoulder and squeezed tightly.

“Good ones?”

Mark looked up then, a painful expression on his face soon accompanied by a smile. “Yes.”

 

 

 

 

☔️

Mark had invited Jinyoung for dinner, it was an infinitely different matter compared to the lunch the two had alone. This time, there were the house residents...and Taehee. Jaebum was another thing to worry about, but Jinyoung had decided that eventually he was going to find out.

Mark had answered the door, with that bright, toothy smile of his that made Jinyoung all squirmy. Taehee was the second to greet him, popping her small head, hair softly fluttering, from behind the door frame and then shyly goes to hand him the couple of pennies she’d promised for the box of chocolates.

“That was you?” Mark had asked bashfully.

“You liked chocolates, huh?”

Mark had blushed, his cheeks turning a fiery red Jinyoung didn’t really understand, but laughed anyway. Jinyoung tugging on Mark’s earlobe as they made their way to the dining room, where Jiwon sat alone. After greeting her again, Jinyoung looked curiously around.

“Where’s everyone else?” Jinyoung asked as Mark took the bouquet of flowers Jinyoung brought over as a housewarming gift and settled it into a vase.

“Jaebum’s somewhere in Indonesia, I think? He won’t be back till next month,” Jiwon explained, serving a bowl of a rice and settling a pair of chopsticks in front of Jinyoung as he took a seat. “And the other one...should be coming downstairs any minutes.”

Jiwon, telepathic or not, was right. Jinyoung immediately heard footsteps coming from the top of the stairs and peeked through the open door as a pair of long thin legs made their way down.

Mark tutted, “Hey, I thought I told you to be here before Jinyoung.”

“Ah, sorry,” The lanky looking guy bowed slightly, a cheeky grin on his face. “I napped for too long.”

Mark sighed and went back to chopping the carrots in front of them, “Hakyeon this is Jinyoung, Jinyoung this is Hakyeon. He works an internship at my company.”

Jinyoung got up from his seat then to go shake hands with Hakyeon who gripped him back tightly. “You’re Mark’s...friend? It’s nice to meet you.” The pause before ‘friend’ made Jinyoung slightly uncomfortable but he played it off, throwing Hakyeon’s mischievous smile one back.

“Okay it’s ready.” Mark declared and quickly brought the hot pot over to the table. Everyone settled into the table quickly. The lively atmosphere was quick to sink into Jinyoung, and he felt happy. It’d been too long since he ate with people like that, too long since he heard the chatter and clink of several chopsticks. Too long since he felt warmth.

The amount of food seemed endless, Jinyoung couldn’t remember how many bowls of rice he had inhaled, before Jiwon brought another over, then Hakyeon bought another over, then Taehee. It was at his fourth bowl of rice did he start to feel the weight hit his stomach, but he was in too much of a light mood to refuse at that point.

“So, what’s so special about Jinyoung?” Hakyeon suddenly asked as Jinyoung watched Taehee make cranes out of the napkins. His head shoots up at his name.

“Hm?”

“Well, I mean Mark’s been here for a while but this is the first time he’s brought a friend over, other than his colleagues.” Hakyeon grinned mischievously, and Mark made a little noise from beside Jinyoung. Jinyoung looked on blankly, slightly confused.

“They’re dating right?” Taehee stated flatly, and all the adults in the room had turned to look at the little girl who was too focused on her paper crane.

“W-what was that, honey?” Mark choked on his food, Jinyoung quick to hand him his glass of water.

“Done!” Taehee cheered and then looked up at Jinyoung bashfully, handing him the crane. Jinyoung grinned widely and bent over the dining table to take it.

“For me?”

She nodded.

“Did we just brush off something really important?” Jiwon interjected.

“Honey, what makes you think we’re dating?” Mark nervously asked, placing a hand on his daughter’s hand.

“You are, aren’t you?”

Jinyoung looked down at the crane, happy, and a little conflicted. _Dating_ was a term Jinyoung was very much afraid of. But denying it any longer was...ultimately ridiculous.

“Yeah we are,” Jinyoung grinned, looking up at Taehee. Mark looked up shock. “You don’t mind?”

“No,” She shook her head. “I’m a big girl now.”

“You don’t care I’m a guy?”

“Well, I wanted a sister but it’s not a big deal,” Taehee shrugged, tugging another napkin from Jiwon and folding it.

“Well, I always did say she was special…” Jiwon mumbled under her breath.

Jinyoung snorted then, and burst out into a fit of laughter. Mostly because of how nonchalant he found Taehee, and also because of how light he felt. It was nice, to give in once in awhile.

 

 

 

 

☔️

Jinyoung stood in the door frame of Taehee’s bedroom, nothing but the corridor light slipping into the dimly lit room. He watched Mark as he settled Taehee into her bed, her head hanging awkwardly as she hummed away in sleep. Jinyoung liked the image, of Mark tucking his daughter into bed and kissing her forehead. The kind of image splattered across fairytales and lullabies.

Mark watched her for a moment, his hand stroking the length of her hair before he took a step back and headed towards Jinyoung.

The two of them slipped out into the hallway, and shut the door behind them. They didn’t say a word, Mark silently giving Jinyoung a little tilt of the head before locking a finger with his and tugging lightly to the room at the end of the hallway.

“You sure you don’t mind me sleeping over?” Jinyoung asked lowly, following Mark into his room. He was hit quickly with the familiar scent of cologne Mark wore, the musky type of smell that said he had money and taste. But it was filled something else too, something Jinyoung couldn’t really point out. Something distinctively _Mark_.

“I don’t mind, you know that,” Mark replied with a small smile and went to open the glass doors heading towards the balcony.

“Got a bigger balcony than me,” Jinyoung jokingly pouted as he made his way to Mark’s desk. It had his laptop, shut, and drowned in papers and blue print designs. There were two frames of his daughter grinning widely, one of her on her own surrounded by a field of flowers, and another where she ran towards a woman, her arms open wide. “Your wife?”

Mark came up from behind and settled his chin upon Jinyoung’s shoulder, “Mmhmm.”

“She looks happy...Taehee.”

“She was...is.” Mark corrected. “You know, I never really meant to keep her from you.”

“Taehee?”

“Yeah…I had gotten her mother pregnant without getting married, her parents weren’t the least bit okay with it. They even tried to force her to abort it.” Mark sounded shook at the thought. “But she didn’t want to, neither did I - my parents supported us until I got comfortable. But before that all, before we got married, Taehee was something we felt we should hide, not because we were ashamed but because of how others would treat her. She tries to act strong for me, but she’s so delicate, especially after she lost her mother.”

“Not to mention a rumour about her dad being in a gay relationship will do her no good in school,” Jinyoung sighed and swivelled around quickly to peck Mark on the nose. “I understand Mark, you don’t have to worry about it anymore.”

Mark sighed in relief then, letting himself tilt into Jinyoung until their foreheads met. “So...we’re dating?”

Jinyoung cleared his throat then and slid out quickly from beneath Mark to head towards the balcony. “Oh, it’s cold. So cold. So very cold.”

Mark chuckled from across the room and Jinyoung peeked over his shoulder, nose red, and ears flushed. “Don’t laugh at me. That was the first time....” Jinyoung trailed off to the wind outside. He went rigid the second he heard Mark’s long strides make their ways towards him, flinching a little as Mark’s arm draped over his shoulder and then went to lean down over Jinyoung as he shut the balcony door. Jinyoung’s heart was racing, why, he wasn’t really sure.

“Thank you,” Mark said from behind, just an inch away from Jinyoung. Jinyoung swallowed hard and turned around to chuckle himself, only the nervousness was evident in his voice.

“You like me a little too much, huh?” Jinyoung half joked, his eyes flying across the room.

“A little more than that.” Mark smiled as he went to lean in and press his lips against Jinyoung’s.

Jinyoung was a bundle of confusion, the mix of hate and love for the way Mark’s tongue pressed into his mouth or the way Mark tugged on his fingers with his own settled into a nest of butterflies in the pits of his stomach. Hate because there was always something scary about how certain Mark’s touch was, how infinite his kisses felt, and how Jinyoung wishes moments like those would never end. And love, so much immense love tightening up in his lungs and squeezing at his heart, he knows it’s only soon till it all explodes.

“C-can we go to bed?” Mark swallowed hard, his breath hot against Jinyoung’s skin.

Jinyoung snorted, “You have a bed?”

“Yes, four legs and everything.” Mark laughed and tugged on Jinyoung’s hands. Jinyoung all too willing to be lead away.

 

 

 

 

☔️

“Mark, any louder and you’re going to wake up the house,” Jinyoung mumbled against Mark’s skin, his tongue dragging down the length of Mark’s chest, revelling in the way Mark shivered with every hot breath Jinyoung pressed against his skin, lips moist.

“S-shut up,” Mark muttered feverishly, his hips rising in the air with every kiss Jinyoung planted. He was thriving underneath the arms he used to cover his face, his teeth digging into the skin of his hands. “You’re making this really hard for me.”

Jinyoung chuckled lowly, his lips finally reaching the edge of Mark’s boxer, “I can tell.”

“Hilarious.”

Jinyoung dragged his hands downward, gripping at the back of Mark’s thighs as he pressed his lips against Mark, just above his boxers. Mark made a noise as Jinyoung sucked on him, his tongue grazing against the boxer lining, feeling Mark’s erection trembling just underneath his lips.

Mark made a kind of irritated grunt, causing Jinyoung to laugh out loud as he leant up. Licking his lips, he tugged off Mark’s boxers and shivered at the sight of Mark’s cock dripping in precum. “You’re kind of excited.” Jinyoung noted, taking the tip of his finger to rub against the slit of Mark’s cock.

Flushed and out of breath, Mark peeked from under his arms with a small pout. “Sorry, sorry - I’ll stop talking.” Jinyoung grinned and bent down to lick at his length. Mark whimpered, his hands quick to fall from his face and to clutching the covers from beneath him. Jinyoung licked again, pressing his tongue against the top of Mark’s cock and then let his lips lower, sucking slightly at the head.

Jinyoung had to grip the covers too, his nails digging deep into the bed as his own erection pressed against his boxer bottoms. The heat that rolled off of Mark and the noises he made, sent shivers down Jinyoung’s spine and he found his hips rocking the air.

Jinyoung sucked at Mark’s cock for as long as he could before he sat up on his knees and looked down at Mark thriving, feeling feverish. Jinyoung took a low breath and gulped, he slid his bottom half forward and pressed his erection between Mark’s legs. The bulge beneath his boxers was hot and hard and Mark flinched as Jinyoung rubbed it against him. “Hey, can I put it in?”

Mark looked up at him surprised, his lips turning down into an awkward frown. “You want to top?”

“Does it really matter with us?”

Mark thought about it, his cheeks turning beet red and Jinyoung leant down, bringing his lips to Mark’s jaw where his teeth dragged against his glistening skin, and went to tug on his earlobe. Jinyoung rubbed himself against Mark harder and whispered, “Please?”

“Bastard,” Mark muttered, and Jinyoung peaked down to find Mark bent over to the side shuffling through drawers. He pulls out a bottle of lube and condoms, the red in his ears quick to infect his cheeks and Jinyoung found himself giggling.

“Don’t laugh, I-I’ve been thinking about this a lot.” Mark said seriously, despite the pout on his face. Jinyoung couldn’t help but laugh again and bent down to kiss Mark, but he squirmed back.

“You just sucked my dick.”

Jinyoung gave him a deadpanned look before bending down and shoving his tongue into Mark’s mouth. Parting quick to give Mark a smirk, which he just returned with a little sound of disgust.

Shuffling out of his boxers, Jinyoung squeezed out the lube, and then slid a finger inside of Mark. He flinched severely, and Jinyoung watched him with half-lidded eyes, his erection growing bigger at the feel of his insides. “You okay?” Jinyoung hoarsely said, the anticipation taking his breath away.

“Yeah, it’s just a little...cold.” Mark tried to play it off bravely, but Jinyoung watched him wince and hide under his arms every time Jinyoung slid a finger in and out. At two, he tries curling his fingers inwards and finds Mark twitch in reaction.

“You’re not completely hopeless,” Jinyoung muttered, a small smile on his lips, as he readied a third finger to enter.

“What’s that supposed to-hmmm,” Mark bit his lip from the pain whilst Jinyoung stilled his hand there for a moment, his other reaching out to press a palm against Mark’s forehead.

Mark grabbed Jinyoung’s hand and bit down on the side of his palm, “Don’t act lovingly while you got your fingers up my ass.”

Jinyoung laughed out loud, and then went to curl his fingers again, earning a noise from Mark and flushed cheeks. “But it looks like you’re starting to enjoy it.”

“Hardly, it hurts like a bitch,” Mark breathed heavily. Jinyoung lifted his eyebrows in apology and went to grab Mark’s shaking hand to lay kisses upon his wrist. He started moving his fingers slowly, curling them slightly as he entered Mark again and again. Mark was tight around him and all Jinyoung could think of, as his tongue trailed across the lines of Mark’s palms, was how it’d feel to press inside him.

Jinyoung didn’t realise he had closed his eyes until he heard Mark scoff, and then opened them. Mark looked up at Jinyoung with a mix of entitlement and pleasure that turned Jinyoung on unimaginably. “You look like you’re going to cum just from fingering me.” Mark teased with a flash of his teeth.

“If you know, then don’t make fun of me,” Jinyoung groaned and went to bite harshly on Mark’s knee.

Mark cleared his throat and laughed a little, “You know, you can put it in now.”

Jinyoung gulped, “You sure?”

Mark nodded and took a deep breath in as Jinyoung slipped his fingers out. Jinyoung put on the condom as quick as his shaking hands would allow him and then placed it just at Mark’s entrance; he kept slipping, the mix of cum, lube and Jinyoung’s nervousness prolonging Jinyoung from doing it as slow and painless as he could for Mark. “I’m sorry, it’s going to hurt a bit-” Jinyoung muttered, not giving enough time to Mark before he quickly thrust inside.

Mark cried out a loud before slapping a palm over his mouth, his eyes were scrutinized shut and Jinyoung thought he could see tiny tears well up in the corners. The guilt was unfathomable, in all honesty, Jinyoung could have easily taken bottom, he tends to most often. But there was a possessiveness inside him, that had been growing little by little, that wanted to take every single inch of Mark, every single bit that had belonged to someone else. Sometimes Mark wakes up in the night crying, and Jinyoung knows why, he knows who Mark misses and see’s every night when he shuts his eyes. So, in turn, the budding insecurity in Jinyoung grows again and all he really knows, in how to get rid of it, is to completely tear him apart and chain him to him. Despite the fact he’s determined to leave him one day.

“I’m sorry, I won’t move,” Jinyoung murmured over Mark, and goes to kiss his forehead. Mark looked up with watery eyes and nodded meekly. Jinyoung felt his heart squeeze a little and went to kiss at the back of his hand, before nudging it away with his nose, so he could kiss Mark’s lips too. Mark shifted slightly from underneath and Jinyoung pulls back with a slight groan. “Mark, I’m in a very dangerous place right now, just-”

“Jinyoung move,” Mark breathed lowly and Jinyoung drunk in his words with severe constraint.

“You sure?”

Mark nodded, and Jinyoung licked his lips. He pulled his hips back, slowly slipping out and moaned lowly, feeling Mark’s insides, hot, and tight and slid back in slowly. Mark flinched and shut his eyes tight. “So...tight.” Jinyoung gulped beside Mark’s ear and Mark seemed to tighten up in reaction. “ _Fuck._ ”

“S-sorry,” Mark shakingly replied. “Just- don’t whisper in my ear like that.”

Jinyoung smiled and kissed Mark at the end of his jaw, “Am I turning you on?”

“I’m pretty turned on as you can tell,” Mark deadpanned giving his cock a look and back at Jinyoung, who snorted harshly and pulled back. He pressed Mark’s legs further apart and then went to look down at where Mark had completely enveloped him. Jinyoung brushed a hand through his hair and bit his lip as his other hand trailed from Mark’s hips, down to his cock.

“I just want to ram inside you…” Jinyoung dazedly said, and then flickered his eyes up to Mark. “But I’ll be gentle today.” He smiled and went to grab Mark from below the knees, then he pulled out and slid in at an ungodly slow pace. Feeling every twitch Mark made around him, watching him as his he arched his back in pleasure and bit his hand to keep himself from moaning out loud. He fastened up the pace slightly, the slick sound of his cock slipping in and out, in and out, filling the room.

“J-Jinyoung,” Mark gasped and then held out his hands in the most adorable fashion, Jinyoung had to pause and look down, blinking. “Hurry up.” Mark groaned as he pulled Jinyoung down and kissed him, Jinyoung groaned into his mouth as Mark tightened himself around Jinyoung’s cock. He rocked his hips slightly faster, Mark gasping into his mouth and Jinyoung all the more willing to swallow it down as he used a free hand to jerk him off.

They were both incredibly close, Jinyoung slightly disappointed with himself because as far as he was concerned he could hold back cumming for a while before but with Mark, always with Mark something tugged at him, the pleasure hit him more than just below and he wanted to give into the pleasure so quick.

Mark bit at Jinyoung’s lip, and Jinyoung felt him cum in his hand. Jinyoung looked down and back up at Mark, who also looked down and back up with a bashful expression. “Don’t worry, I’m far from finished.” Jinyoung mischievously grinned and Mark groaned lowly.

 

 

 

 

☔️

“Okay, but I’m pretty sure that isn’t how you do it,” Mark pointed out skeptically from down below.

Jinyoung frowned and looked down from the step ladder he was upon. “I’ve changed light bulbs before, Mark.”

“Yeah but before that you need to remove the lamp shade.”

“I can remove the lamp shade.”

“It’s been ten minutes and all you’ve done is slanted it.”

“Do you want to come do it!?” Jinyoung snapped.

“Sure,” Mark nodded and gestured for Jinyoung to get off the ladder quick. He brushed a hand through his hair and gave Jinyoung a tiny smirk before climbing up.

Bohyung comes through the kitchen and settles a tray of tea onto the coffee table. Mark was walking Jinyoung home that morning when Bohyung caught the two of them and dragged them to her place. She said she wanted her light bulb fixed, but Jinyoung knows she’s just curious about the two of them.

She didn’t entirely try to hide the smile that played on her lips a she settled the tray of tea onto the table. Jinyoung snorted as he held the ladder for Mark, who then cheered with the final click of the bulb being placed.

“You got it!?” Jinyoung gaped.

“Of course I got it,” Mark scoffed and started making his way down.

“Why didn’t you just call Taekwoon to do it?” Jinyoung tutted and then went to throw himself onto the sofa, grabbing a biscuit from the tray. Bohyung slapped his feet off and went to sit on the other end.

“Oh does Taekwoon usually do it?” Mark asked and sat on the single sofa, gingerly picking up his cup of tea.

“No, I do,” Bohyung grinned, and Mark blinked at her from behind the cup. Jinyoung rolled his eyes and also went to grab his cup, only half as delicate as Mark as he chugged the contents down.

“So what were you guys doing?” Bohyung leaned in close, her eyes totally focused on Mark. Mark looked at Jinyoung in a silence call for help but Jinyoung was to focused in separating his biscuits without breaking them, he liked to eat the middle on it’s own.

“W-we were just dropping off my daughter at school, I have a day off today,” Mark said and settled his cup down, looking at Jinyoung slyly, but Jinyoung was too busy sifting through Bohyung’s phone.

“That’s so cute, oh my god!” Bohyung squealed. “So is she like ok with it? You know her dad being- ow!” Jinyoung kicked her blindly and she flicked her head to glare at him.

“No it’s fine,” Mark laughed. “Yeah, she seems like she’s okay with it.”

“Oh oh, so you guys are official now? Oh my god, this is so great, isn’t it Jinyoung?” Bohyung squealed and slapped Jinyoung’s knee. “I can’t wait to tell Yongsun, this is-”

“Ah,” Mark jumped. “Ah, could you please keep this low still? I don’t want my relationships to affect Taehee negatively is all.”

Bohyung stiffened. “Oh, of course!” Bohyung laughed it off, and awkwardly went to sip at her cup of tea.

Jinyoung seemingly ignoring the conversation as he sifted through Bohyung’s phone, not realising he had stopped reading whatever was on the screen a while ago.

 

 

 

 

☔️

"Are you happy?" A voice croaked from behind Jinyoung's closed eyelids. They fluttered open, Jinyoung not sure when they had closed. Heeyoung stood on the other side of the counter, flowers bloomed in colour behind her, it made even the wrinkles on her face look pleasant.

"I'm happy." He felt like he had lied.

"You look far more relaxed, despite those awful dark circles under your eyes," Heeyoung teased and Jinyoung consciously went to tap at his eyes.

"I could say the same thing about your wrinkles, Miss Heeyoung."

"Don't be a fool," Heeyoung scoffed. "My wrinkles are proof of how far I've come in this blasted world."

Jinyoung laughed but his smile faded quickly into worry, "But still you look tired."

"It's the winter my boy," Heeyoung said as she peered over a budding lily. "It wasn't kind to me this year."

"Do you want some company going up to the hill today then?"

"Don't be silly, I don't need your help. Now give me my flowers boy."

Jinyoung chuckled, "Yes, ma'am."

 

 

 

 

☔️

Sleep doesn’t come easy to Jinyoung. Staying up at night staring at his eyelids, or the ceiling, or the pile of tattered books had quickly became a mundane pattern for him. He can’t remember when it started, it’d make sense if the tipping point was when he got kicked out of his home, but for some reason Jinyoung thinks he may have never been able to sleep well. And even in Mark’s arms, where he’s never felt so relaxed before, where warmth and kindness was so close, Jinyoung had instead just found himself staring at the beauty spots that laid upon Mark’s skin and counted them, again and again.

It wasn’t something that really bothered him. Work at the flower shop was slow, sometimes if he really can’t handle it, he’d nap in the staff room. And work at the bar...takes more energy than he’d like, especially with the lack of Jackson but he gets through it. He’s not sure how, sometimes he feels like a ghost, his body not his own. Some days it’s not so bad, like when he’s between Mark’s arms.

But these days even that won’t help. Something’s keeping Jinyoung up more than usual, and he could only handle the darkness for so long before it became maddening.

“Is everything okay?” Mark groggily called out from the mattress. Jinyoung looked up, from the corner he huddled himself in underneath a blanket and reading his flower arrangment book with a small torch in his hand.

Jinyoung nodded, a small smile on his lips, and Mark flopped back into the pillow. The smile on Jinyoung quick to drop too and Jinyoung found himself staring at Mark. Staring at his open mouth, staring at the drool slipping past his lips, at the way his nose scrunched up every time he snored slightly, and at the way his hand tapped away at the space where Jinyoung usually laid.

It hurt, something so subtly sweet and so painful at the same time. Because feelings of love were so hard to control and when it’s get’s so big, so large it engulfs you and every little thing, anything at all, makes you want to cry.

Jinyoung was always bad at lying to himself. And that’s why it was just as easy to give into the fear, and the anxiety set around giving yourself, giving everything to one person, and he just didn’t know if he could do it. Because Mark has a life, has a child, and a family, and friends, and has seen the world beyond this town, and even though he seemed so solid, so there, he also seemed so fleeting. As if he were going to disappear into dust any second, and the thought shook Jinyoung enough to crawl back into bed, to snuggle into the covers and lay his head against Mark.

Mark mumbled a little and went to throw an arm around Jinyoung. "You okay?" He croaked.

Jinyoung nodded and shuffled closer until Mark's head was tucked underneath Jinyoung's chin, "You know, there's an old lady that comes to the flower shop everyday."

Mark moved and made a noise as if to say he's listening.

"She buys the same flower everyday and walks up that hill to talk to her husband-"

"Hill?"

"There's a grave upon the cliffs on the edge of this town, loads of the town's people are buried there," Jinyoung said, and he felt Mark shift, or stiffen underneath him all of a sudden. "You okay?"

"Yeah, it's just a little cold," Mark mumbled and went to cuddle into Jinyoung chest. "Go on."

"That's it...I was just thinking how amazing she was. She doesn't even really seem to mourn him but just remember him?" Jinyoung thought aloud, confused by the aspect and wondered if they were the same thing.

"You sound confused."

"I guess I find it hard understand..."

Mark shifted away then and looked up at Jinyoung, "Is it that hard to understand?"

"Hm?" Jinyoung watched Mark as he sat up and brushed a hand through his hair. He knew the skies were clear outside because the moonlight was bright, and hit the centre of the room where Mark seemed to glow.

"Nothing." There was a bitterness to Mark's tone, and Jinyoung faintly knew where it came from. "How long have we been together now?"

"I haven't been counting."

"Neither have I...it feels like it's been so long." Mark wistfully said, looking out to the balcony. The moon high in the sky. "Jinyoung..."

Jinyoung hesitated, there was something in Mark's voice that Jinyoung didn't want to respond to, but he did anyway. "Yeah?"

"I love you."

Jinyoung shut his eyes, "I know."

 

 

 

 

☔️

"The flowers are increasing..." Jinyoung deadpanned, staring at the trio of vases filled with flowers pulled at the roots.

"He's started to hand them to me face to face now," Bohyung laughed from the flower shop entrance, she was wiping at the glass.

"What is he a cat? He's taking his time..." Jinyoung bitterly noted, sitting back in the chair. "Besides isn't there some kind of pointlessness in sending flowers to a flower shop?"

"The only pointless thing I see here is you," Bohyung snapped. "Can you come and help? Spring is coming."

Jinyoung groaned and let his head hang back.

"What's gotten into you, now that I'm a little happier, you're regressing? What, trouble in paradise?"

Jinyoung gave her a glare.

She smirks, "Ooo, hit the bullseye. What did you do?"

"Nothing..."

"That can't be true, unless nothing is the problem." Bohyung chimed and went back to the windows, not noticing how Jinyoung flinched. Jinyoung bit his lip and looked at Bohyung's back before sighing.

"He told me he loved me..."

Bohyung froze and turned ever so slowly. "Well, shit - isn't that your kryptonite?" She snorted and settled the cloth into her bucket of water. "Let me guess, you didn't say it back?"

Jinyoung didn't answer.

"Not surprised, despite the fact you do."

Jinyoung sighed again and sat forward, he picked at the cut stems of roses, his finger jabbing lightly at their thorns. "It doesn't matter, why should I be invested in a relationship that isn't going to go anywhere? He's got a kid, a kid who needs a mother, as simple as that. This...this is just something that'll pass soon, he'll get bored."

"That's not fair Jinyoung."

"What isn't?"

"It's like you're projecting your insecurities onto him. How do you know the little girl doesn't need you? How do you know it'll pass? Is there something different about falling in love with a man than it is with a woman?" Bohyung took a breath and spoke quietly. "You're going to hurt him that way."

Jinyoung clenched his jaw, "I just- I just don't understand...why me? I can't trust him."

Bohyung laughed then. "Why anyone? Do we ever pick who we fall in love with because if we did I wouldn't have been having so much problems." Bohyung took off her gloves and made her way towards Jinyoung. "But the more I hear you talk the more it seems like you're the problem."

"Me?"

"You."

 

 

 

 

☔️

Jinyoung had been standing in front of Mark's house for what felt like hours before he finally had the courage to knock. Of course, no one was home. He stood in front of the door for another ten minutes simply banging his head against the wood and then finally decided to go home. He turned however to find Jaebum struggling with his suitcase, it was too wide to fit through the front gate.

"Jaebum?" Jinyoung called out and quickly made his way to help.

"What? Jinyoung, what are you doing here?" Jaebum asked, out of breath. "Oh thanks." They flipped the suitcase to it's side and quickly dragged it to the front door. Jaebum fishing for his keys somewhere deep in his pockets.

"How are you? Jesus, you're tanned." Jinyoung laughed, patting Jaebum's back as they entered the house.

"Yeah, my last stop was Dubai, didn't think it'd be so hot this time of year," Jaebum said and settled his suitcase at the foot of the stairs. "How you been?" He asked and shuffled out of his coat.

Jinyoung awkwardly stood at the entrance, looking over his shoulder slyly. "I'm good, good, made...friends with the residents here."

"No surprise, I told them to visit your bar." Jaebum grinned and the two walked towards the living room.

"Ah, really?" Jinyoung gulped slightly, he wasn't sure what to do if Mark came home now.

Jaebum went towards the kitchen and poured himself a cup of water, "Want something to drink?"

Jinyoung shook his head, his foot tapping away nervously. "You know...I'll come back another time, it's not important."

"Don't worry, it's a Sunday, they should be coming back soon. Besides I haven't seen in you in so long, how long has it been? Keeping track of time has been hard when travelling, I almost missed a flight once from Thailand to Singapore." Jaebum chuckled and Jinyoung smiled back warmly.

"Must have been good-" The front door clicks then followed by a squeak.

"Jaebum!?" Jiwon's voice spiked from the hallway, followed by her head popping into the living room door. "Jaebum!" She screamed and ran to fling herself onto him, he was quick to catch her. "I thought you were coming later today!" She cried, squeezing Jaebum's head tightly.

"I missed you too Jiwon b-but you're kind of choking me," Jaebum gasped and Jiwon dropped with a bounce. She noticed Jinyoung then.

"Oh Jinyoung! Good, you're here. Mark and I just came back from shopping for Jaebum's welcome back dinner, you got to stay and join us." She offered.

"No, no, it's fine - I really should go right now," Jinyoung frantically mumbled and started making his way towards the exit. Jiwon was quick to follow him however.

"Mark's going to be here soon, you don't want to see him?"

Jinyoung looked back at Jiwon and then at Jaebum. "You're here to see Mark?" Jaebum asked. Jinyoung's heart was pattering so hard, he could barely breathe. He just silently begged Jiwon to stop talking.

"Yeah, that's his only reason he'd ever visit to be honest," Jiwon laughed, while Jinyoung fidgeted with putting his shoes on.

"What? Why?"

"Well, they're dating, you didn't know?" Jiwon said from behind, Jinyoung froze at the exit, every inch in his body told him to not turn around but he did anyway.

Jaebum's face was contorted into a mixture of disbelief and amusement, "W-wait, dating? Jinyoung doesn't date people...right?" Jaebum helplessly looked up and Jinyoung returned the look. "Right, Jinyoung?"

"Jae-"

"Oh shit! Jaebum!" Mark came up from the front door then, and Jinyoung let out the deepest sigh. "You're back!?" Mark excitedly called before bumping into Jinyoung. "Ah..."

Jinyoung looked at Mark and then back at Jaebum, who burst out laughing. "Mark, Jiwon just told me you're dating Jinyoung, is this some kind of welcome back prank? Since when were you gay?"

Mark's face dropped, uncomfortable. "W-well I've always been bi but I just didn't feel the need to tell-"

"You're kidding me right?" Jaebum's voice had dipped low, his face stiff with an emotion bubbling inside him Jinyoung couldn't pinpoint. "Jinyoung, can you explain this to me?"

"There's nothing to explain Jaebum..."

"Did I miss something?" Mark asked, looking to and from Jinyoung and Jaebum.

"I think my mouth slipped again," Jiwon cursed under her breath.

“Park Jinyoung," Jaebum took two long strides towards Jinyoung and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Hey...aren't you going to say anything? What the fuck-" His voice rose and Mark reacted quickly, shoving Jaebum back.

"What's going on? Jaebum, why are you getting angry?" Mark sternly demanded, his own hand pushing Jaebum back.

Jaebum snorted and looked to Mark then back to Jinyoung. "Wow...you didn't even tell your current boyfriend you fucked his housemate for what? Nine months was it?"

Jiwon gasped in the background and Jinyoung looked to the ground, his mouth twisted into a frown.

"W-what?" Mark mumbled from beside him, and Jinyoung didn't want to look up to see what kind of expression was on his face.

"Jaebum, just calm down-"

"Calm down? Calm down..." Jaebum took a deep breath and took a small step closer to Jinyoung. "How long have you guys been- no it doesn't even matter, nine months with me and you could barely have us leaving the house at the same time but what? You guys are dating? And it's something others know too? So it's serious, it's serious, right!?"

Jinyoung bit his lip and nodded. Jaebum let out a shaky breath before grabbing his coat and pushing past Mark and Jinyoung, leaving the house quickly. Mark looked at Jinyoung then to Jiwon, "Make sure he doesn't leave." Mark said, the anger in his voice evident, then he went to quickly follow Jaebum out.

"I'm so- I'm so sorry- I didn't kn-"

"It's fine...Jiwon. It's my fault, not yours." Jinyoung sighed and went towards the room where Jinyoung's wife's shrine stood.

"W-where are you going?"

"I need air," He went to slide open the doors towards the back yard. It was the first time Jinyoung had seen the garden; it was bare, flower beds of soil laid out in circles, bordering the empty pond in the middle. Jinyoung did say they were going to plant in Spring. Now he's wondering if he's ever going to be able to see it.

The thought shakes Jinyoung more than he thought it would. What if Mark broke up with him right now? Jinyoung had fucked up, fucked up too many times already. Any sane person wouldn't stick around.

He let's out a shaking breath and blinked away the wetness in his eyes. He didn't know yet, when Mark comes back, they'll talk it out and it'll be fine. It'll be fine.

"Do you want anything? Tea, or water?" Jiwon meekly asked from behind.

"I'm fine," Jinyoung hoarsely responded. He looked out towards the sky, it was filled with white clouds. Jiwon shuffled quietly from behind him. Jinyoung slowly turned around to find her slipping something behind the shrine, he turned back, pretending he didn't see it.

Jiwon leaves eventually and Jinyoung curiously looks back. There was something like a plastic corner sticking out the back of the shrine. He goes towards it and bends down. Pulling at it, he notices the corner belonged to a photo frame, and the photo, Jinyoung assumed, was a picture of Mark's dead wife.

Jinyoung looked at the frame for a long time, emotionless, before letting out a little laugh. His knuckles had turned white from the grip he had on it, his hands rigid when he tried to release it and settle the frame back onto the shrine.

Jinyoung had found his answer.

 

 

 

 

☔️

It was pitch dark in the bar, Jinyoung had made the decision to close it that Sunday night. Several people had come and left, disappointed murmurs floating around with them. The rain had been constant for hours, it was all really Jinyoung thought about while he sat behind the counter, smoking cigarette after cigarette after cigarette.

Jinyoung didn't know what time it was when someone started to bang on the front door. He heard his name being shouted amongst the sound of the heavy rain. His voice so clear, as if it wasn't raining at all, he could always hear Mark's voice. He let's him bang for a while, thinking maybe he'll give up and go home but he doesn't.

And the thought of Mark in the rain, soaking wet and shouting for so long tugs at Jinyoung's nerves enough to finally go open the door. Mark stands there for a while, in the rain as if he belonged to it, looking like he was made of marble.

"Come in," Jinyoung said with a puff of smoke leaving his lips. Jinyoung goes back to the bar to pour himself a cup of whisky. "Want some?"

Mark shut the door behind him, drowning out the sound of the rain with him. "Why did you leave?"

"I've got other stuff to do than wait for you Mark," Jinyoung flatly responded, watching the liquid settle into the bottom of the glass. He hoped Mark couldn't see his hand shake in the darkness. Nothing but the little moonlight and street lights illuminated the room.

"No...you were running away, because of Jaebum."

Jinyoung licked his lips, "Not really, I was going to tell you...eventually."

Mark scoffed, "Eventually?"

"Eventually." Jinyoung smiled and lifted his glass up in a toast before chugging on it.

"Jinyoung...I'm not mad, okay?" Mark took a step towards the bar, his shoes squelching. Jinyoung looked at his damp face, and noticed the drops of water falling from his hair. He looked like he was freezing. "I'm just...I'm just shocked- I know you'd been sleeping with others, I just didn't know it was Jaebum-"

"Well this has opened a good opportunity for us anyway," Jinyoung cleared his throat. "Let's end this Mark, hm?"

The silence that followed was horrifying, it took over Mark and Jinyoung wondered if he was even breathing.

"Mark?"

"Are you breaking up with me?" Mark quietly asked.

Jinyoung blinked and put his cup down. "I guess so. We did say we were dating, weren't we?"

"I told- I told you I wasn't mad about the Jaebum thing-"

"I know."

"T-then...then what is it?" Mark helplessly looked up. "What- what - is it because I told you I loved you? Did it scare you that much, Jinyoung because-"

"No, Mark, it isn't it-"

"THEN WHAT-" Mark shouted, loud, his voice broke and he took a step back, a hand pressing against his mouth. "Then what is making you...say this?"

Jinyoung swallowed, "This was going to end sooner or later wasn't it? Just sooner than I was expecting."

"What?" Mark's eyebrows furrowed, he looked at Jinyoung with shock. "You saw this ending eventually?"

"Obviously, you've got a kid-"

"Don’t! Do...not make this about Taehee, don't bullshit me Jinyoung," Mark said sternly, making Jinyoung bite his lip back.

"Mark...whether you really loved me or not, this wasn't going to work, okay? I can't replace your wife, no matter how much I look like her-"

"Wait what. What are you talking about?"

Jinyoung rolled his eyes and then pressed his cigarette into his ashtray, watching the wisps of smoke die out into the air. "I saw the frame you tried so hard to hide, even got Jiwon into it. I got to say I was shocked, I even questioned if I had a long lost twin, but this isn't a drama, now is it. No, this is you trying to find the wife you love so much in someone else, and it's fine Mark, I'm not angry, I just don't think this is healthy."

Mark leant into the bar counter, his hands gripping the edges. "Wait...wait, Jinyoung just give me a second." Mark let out a shaky breath. "Look, at first, at first okay I admit it, you looked so familiar it shocked me, I was curious but that was it. Do you really think I would go this far just because you look similiar? You're nothing alike, I know that now, I don't even think of her-"

"Mark, that's enough." Jinyoung settled back and wrapped his arms around his chest. "Look, I just can't do this."

"Jinyoung."

"Mark, this just wasn't meant to happen-"

"Because you're not letting it! You think I don't know what you're doing? Using any excuse because you're afraid of it, the commitment, the concept of being with me. I don't need your lack of confession for me to figure out you're constantly scared of forever." Mark voice broke, his tone harsh and high and trembling between his clenched jaw.

Jinyoung looked down, "That's because it doesn't exist. You really think I can expect _forever_ from a guy with a daughter, a high paying job and the world at the tips of his fingers. I feel like a pet next to you."

Mark looked hurt, "What? A pet?"

"I can't do this anymore. Yeah maybe I thought about it...but I've just been reminded that this isn't me. Your life, this life isn't me. I'm sorry." Jinyoung said finally, and it seemed Mark finally understood.

"Jinyoung...I love you..." Mark murmured lowly. "I love you so much, don't you love me?"

Jinyoung took in a quiet breath, "I don't."

"Liar," Mark's voice shook and Jinyoung looked up at him surprised. He looked like he was going to cry but he had lowered his head, hiding his face behind his hair. "You know I always thought you were going to leave one day, so I thought I had to cling to you tighter. Who would have thought that'd make you disappear quicker."

He leaves then. Leaves Jinyoung behind in the bar with the fleeting smoke and half a cup of whisky, leaving him with just the sound of the rain and the jingle of the door.

 

 

 

 

☔️

A knock came from Jinyoung’s bedroom door. Jinyoung didn’t respond. He laid upon his mattress, wearing nothing but boxers and a large t-shirt, sprawled in a mess of weeks old sheets and cold sunlight seeping through the white clouds. He can’t remember how long he’s lied there, night and day came several times and he had barely moved.

Jinyoung thought he might even be able to sleep finally, now there was no reason to be anxious anymore. Now there was nothing to keep him up at night thinking. And yet it was worse than ever. Jinyoung barely even had the energy to blink, he just stared at the roofs of the houses across the road and watched the clouds move in the sky ever so slowly.

“Jinyoung…” Yugyeom’s soft voice entered the room, but Jinyoung didn’t react. “Jinyoung, I’m opening the bar tonight.”

Jinyoung didn’t respond. Yugyeom stood at the door entrance for a while before making his way around the mattress and took a seat on the floor, blocking Jinyoung’s eye line directed towards the balcony. Jinyoung blinked then, and slowly looked up at Yugyeom who looked down at him with a frown.

“It’s been three days Jinyoung.” Yugyeom said quietly. “Isn’t it enough?”

Jinyoung closed his eyes, “Is that it?”

“I’m opening the bar tonight, Jackson said he’ll tend to it so don’t worry.”

Jinyoung opened his eyes, “Jackson?”

“Yeah, he came yesterday but you didn’t really...acknowledge him.”

Jinyoung get’s up then, his arms shaking and his strength gone. Yugyeom’s face contorts into a look of worry. “Have you not eaten anything?”

“I don’t know.”

“Jinyoung!” Yugyeom snapped but then bit his lip. “What happened?”

“Nothing.”

Yugyeom sighed heavily and brushed a hand through his hair, “Is this about Mark?”

Jinyoung flinched and lowered his head, his hair curtaining his face. Yugyeom’s eyebrows furrowed. “I heard he went home the other night and tore his house apart. Some girl has been crying all over town about how it’s her fault.”

Jinyoung sighed and brushed a hand through his hair, thick strands of hair fell out and he quickly brushed them away. Yugyeom noticed, “Do I need to call an ambulance?”

“Why would you do that?” Jinyoung hoarsely said.

“You’re obviously not ok. Do I have to have someone forcibly shove a drip inside you?” Yugyeom threatened, and Jinyoung looked at him from the side.

“You look better.”

“What?”

“You looked so tired before.”

The tension in Yugyeom’s shoulders dissipated quickly and he sighed. “You’re still worrying about me when you’re like this?” Yugyeom got up then and walked towards the balcony, staring up at the clouds that had dispersed. “I’ve decided to go to university.”

“I thought you didn’t want to go?”

“I did...but I couldn’t afford it,” Yugyeom said and turned back to Jinyoung. “My mum’s been insisting for so long now but we just didn’t have the money for it...turns out she’s been saving for years now.”

“You’ve been worried about this? Is that why you looked so tired?”

“No, I’ve been studying...a lot, maybe too much. I thought I could try for scholarship but that’s, I’m just not capable of it.” Yugyeom took a step closer to Jinyoung and bent on his knees. “But I’m not going to waste my mum’s efforts, or her insistent nagging anymore. I just have to get into a good uni.” Yugyeom nodded with a resolution Jinyoung hadn’t seen in someone for so long.

“T-that’s good…” Jinyoung whispered, his throat dry.

“That’s why you too...Jinyoung stop running away.” Yugyeom got up and headed towards the door. “I don’t know what happened between you and Mark but it obviously needs some resolving.”

Jinyoung looked up at Yugyeom and then down, he had tried to smile but it had faltered too quickly. Yugyeom looked at the top of Jinyoung’s head and said, “Maybe you also need a change Jinyoung...I can tell how much you hate this place.” He said finally before quietly leaving the room and shut the door with a click.

Jinyoung heavily sighed, his hands shaking. “I don’t hate it though.” He whispered. No, Jinyoung didn’t hate this town. This quiet town, where nothing happens, and where the calm is constant in the spaces between raindrops. This town and it’s pebble paths, and small brick shops, it’s elderly people, and it’s young constantly clashing. This town where people grow up and die and lay in the ground forever looking down upon this small place with it’s constant shadows and clouds. But it’s theirs, this small town and the people, their smiles, and their cries, and their loneliness, it’s all theirs.

There was nothing to hate in this town, Jinyoung thought, nothing to hate at all, but himself.

 

 

 

 

☔️

Jinyoung had eventually taken a shower and cleaned himself up. He only felt just how hungry he was when he started to make his way downstairs and smelt the scent of eggs coming from the kitchen.

“Oh hey, you live!” A voice cheered from behind the bar and Jinyoung paused mid way down to stare at Jackson in his bartender uniform smiling as if he’d been here all this time.

“Bastard,” Jinyoung clicked his tongue.

“Oh you’re not happy to see me?”

“I’m going to kill you.” Jinyoung muttered as he stomped his way down the rest of the stairs. Jackson gave a childish squeal and hopped on top of the counter, he seductively flicked his leg over the other.

“Where have you been?” Jinyoung demanded.

“Here, there, everywhere!” Jackson sang, swirling the tongs in his hand magically.

Jinyoung sighed, somehow the anger he had attempted to bottle up all this time for Jackson had disappeared and he just sat on the bar stool, not knowing what to say anymore to a guy that loved not to give answers.

Jackson seemed a little surprised by Jinyoung’s lack of response and took the tongs to his lips. “I heard you had a little drama while I was gone. And here I thought you’d rot away in this bar all alone.”

Jinyoung looked up at Jackson with a thick glare as if to say _don’t push it_. Jackson burst out laughing, “I’m kidding I’m kidding.” He cleared his throat and looked down at Jinyoung with a sad smile. “You’ve gotten skinnier.”

“The clothes are just baggy-”

“And those dark circle are horrendous-”

“Look, did you come back just to irritate me?” Jinyoung snapped, slamming a hand on the counter.

“Woah, someone got a temper while I was gone,” Jackson sneered and snapped the tongs in Jinyoung’s face. Jinyoung grabbed them and squeezed them in his hands tightly.

“And someone just can’t up and leave for months without a single word, not even a fucking postcard, and then come back like nothing’s changed either-” Jinyoung’s voice had risen, his anger suddenly finding itself again until Yugyeom came through the kitchen door with a hot plate of food.

“Okay, no fighting children,” Yugyeom chirped as he placed the plate in front of Jinyoung. “Breakfast is served. Now play nice.”

Jinyoung pouted as he looked up from his plate to Yugyeom and mumbled, “Thanks.”

Jackson snorted and Jinyoung looked up again with a glare. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry for leaving like that.” Jackson said with an amused smile, but Jinyoung knew that was the best he was going to get.

“Whatever,” Jinyoung sighed and started shoveling food into his mouth. “You must have had some reason...you’re not an idiot, as much as you like to prove otherwise.” Jinyoung said between bites.

Jackson looked down at Jinyoung for a moment, a small smile on his lips as he hopped down off the counter. Yugyeom left to go clean the kitchen and Jackson watched the swinging kitchen doors before speaking. “You’ve both grown up so much while I was gone.”

Jinyoung looked up, “Ha? I was looking after this place even when you were here.”

“That’s true!” Jackson laughed. He then bent to shuffle underneath bar where he pulled out a block of clear ice and set up the counter to start chipping at it. “I haven’t done this in awhile, I need to practice again.”

Silence followed, which was strange for Jackson but Jinyoung found it pleasant. He knew, however, it wasn’t going to last long. “Okay, my curiosity can’t handle it!” Jackson gasped and dropped everything he was doing to lean over the bar close. “What happened while I was gone? I heard Taekwoon and Bohyung put off their wedding? And who is this Mark guy and the boarding house? Also what happened between you guys because I heard you guys were official and I refused to believe it!”

Jinyoung watched Jackson for a while chewing slowly, a sort of dead look on his face until Jackson stopped to breathe and waited for an answer. Jinyoung wasn’t sure where to start, or if he wanted to start at all. Jackson, however, was insistent, and got what he could out of Jinyoung but it was clear Mark’s name wasn’t going to slip out of his lips so he settled with what he got.

Jackson had spent the entire time staring at Jinyoung intently. “Woah...I seriously missed you, you know?” Jackson cooed and bent over the counter to hug Jinyoung’s head uncomfortably.

“Get off me.”

Jackson swayed back, a large smile on his lips. “You guys seriously...what are you doing going and growing up while I’m gone? Yugyeom is going to university too, what am I supposed to do when you all leave me?” He cried.

“I can’t believe this is coming from the guy that disappeared for half a year.” Jinyoung mumbled under his breath. “It’s not like I’m going to go anywhere, what’s wrong with you?”

Jackson pursed his lips, “You’ve changed a little bit. You’re showing your emotions more.”

“That’s rich coming from a guy that laughs everything off.”

“Well, it’s because I’m a free spirit with no problems.” Jackson twirled, lifting the ball of ice in the air.

“Don’t lie Jackson,” Jinyoung sighed into his palm. “You have problems just like everyone else.”

Jackson looked caught off guard but saved himself quick with a bright smile and Jinyoung scoffed, thinking this was the man that taught him how to protect himself. Jackson could honestly make you think he had no problems in the world, when really deep down he maybe dying.

“Are you going to visit your mother some time?” Jinyoung dared to ask, Jackson smile hadn’t faltered but his hand around the ice had twitched. He settled it down into a cloth and looked up at Jinyoung.

“You’re right...we all have problems.” Jackson said looking down at the counter. “But well, knowing you have to solve them and doing it are two very different things.” Jackson grinned, it was his default smile when he couldn’t keep up the pretense. And it was Jinyoung’s signal to stop pushing it.

Jinyoung changed the subject, “Have you seen Bohyung?”

“Yeah!” Jackson chirped. “My beautiful Bohyung...even more beautiful when she’s pissed as hell.” Jackson fluttered his eyelashes at Jinyoung, who groaned in return.

“She’s angry?”

“So angry she’s pretending she’s not therefore she’s very angry.”

Jinyoung sighed for what felt like the hundredth time that hour, “Great.”

 

 

 

 

☔️

The road to the flower shop was short, too short now as Jinyoung trudged his way there. Partially because he was tired, and also because just as much as Bohyung was his friend, she was also his boss, and he missed work for a week now.

Courage was hard to conjure when you've lived your life running away and hiding. So even though he had finally managed to make his way to Bohyung's shop, his hand still shook when he went to grab the door handle.

He could see through the window though; Bohyung stood behind the counter holding up two pieces of ribbon, one gold and one red. Taekwoon appeared then from behind, carrying towers of wicker baskets and stumbled as he placed them upon the counter. Bohyung laughed out loud while Taekwoon gave her a grimace, but his expression was soft, the kind of amused grimace he has to entertain Bohyung.

He'd missed this, it'd been a long time since he'd seen this scene that was so mundane and normal before he never thought he needed to appreciate it.

Jinyoung suddenly found himself a foot in the shop, the bell above bringing him back to reality where he cursed inwardly at the look of shock on Bohyung's face. Her face dropped quickly, too quickly, but what was even more shocking was the fact she had said nothing and turned on her heels, heading into the staff room.

Taekwoon watched Bohyung before turning to look at Jinyoung and said, "You're in shit."

"Thanks buddy." Jinyoung replied sarcastically, making his way to the counter. "How come you're here? You guys made up now."

"Yeah...I guess," Taekwoon mumbled, his fingers tugging on the fraying straw of the baskets. "We talked it out after she caught me putting flowers at her door."

"She caught you a while ago."

"I figured."

Jinyoung snorted, it was forced and Taekwoon noticed. "You should go talk to her." Taekwoon said lowly and Jinyoung knew but still he wasn't sure what to say. That they just broke up? That he lied? That the insecurities he'd been trying so hard to ignore had resurfaced? That at the moment where everything started to go well, that he started to feel happy, really happy for once, it all came crashing down like he knew it would?

He wasn't sure, but he still made his way to the staff room, knocked once and entered the room. Bohyung sat in the tattered single sofa in the corner, her knees tucked in and an ipad upon her lap.

“Bohyung…” Jinyoung called but Bohyung hadn’t acknowledged him. “Bohyung.” He called again and made his way to the sofa where he bent on his knees and looked up at Bohyung with fluttering lashes. “Bohyung.”

Bohyung’s lip twitched, “You know…” She started. “I had this friend once, you know? He’d come to me in the middle of the night, knocking on my door, whining to my dog and spit out all his issues. Except, they weren’t really issues.” Bohyung looked down at him then, her face was rigid but Jinyoung was quick to see the hurt in her eyes. “No, they were just excuses to see someone when at night he couldn’t sleep and felt so incredibly lonely. And I was happy, I was happy I was that person because that meant I mattered to him. But you know? He didn’t trust me really, he never really did tell me about his problems, what made him stay up at night all the time, even when I asked, even when I pushed.” Her voice shook, her lips trembling but she kept going. “But you know Jinyoung, It’s too late now, when you hurt, I hurt too, okay? Even if I have no fucking clue what’s going on anymore, I can tell you know. I can tell when you smile, you’re really crying.”

Jinyoung was left speechless, he didn’t know what to say. When all he spent these past few years making an effort in keeping away from people, in hiding himself and not burdening others, he thought he was doing the right thing. Because what was the point in making two people hurt, when only once you could instead. He thought he’d been careful but there was only so much he could do to hide the cracks.

“I-I’m sorry,” Jinyoung looked down, his voice caught in his through. “I’m sorry.”

Bohyung frowned deeply, “Is it just me that thinks we're closer than we may actually be?”

“No! No...Jesus, Bohyung, it’s me. Seriously, it’s all me,” Jinyoung sighed and laid his head against the armrest. “I’m just a...mess. I’m a mess.”

Bohyung sighed too and placed a gentle palm onto his head, “What happened Jinyoung? I thought you were progressing? It was the first time you ever announced you were dating someone, has it even been two weeks since I last saw you?”

Jinyoung snorted, “Is that it? It feels like it’s been years.”

Bohyun gave him a look, waiting for answers.

Jinyoung looked up at her and huffed, “His wife...I saw a picture of her…”

“His wife? The one that died?”

“Yeah, she, well he’d been hiding her picture for a while but I saw it when I went to visit him. Ah, she looks exactly like me, it’s kind of scary.” Jinyoung quietly explained, a smile involuntarily made its way onto his face.

“She looked like you?”

“Or I look like her.”

“To the extent he hid it?”

Jinyoung nodded, “I understand, I get it, what would make a guy like him see me in the first place, but still, it just amplified every other insecurity I’ve been having since even before I met him.”

“He loves you, Jinyoung. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, it just...it didn’t seem fake-”

“ _I know,_ it’s not like I believe he could go to the extent of coming this far with me, I bloody put my- no, I’m just-” Jinyoung choked on his words and Bohyung bit her lip from laughing. Jinyoung looked up and laughed a little. “Ah, god this is so shit, I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore.”

Bohyung leaned over the armrest, her dark hair tickling at Jinyoung’s nose a little. “Figure it out Jinyoung, we obviously know no one force you into anything.” She took a hand and rubbed her thumb gently underneath Jinyoung’s eyes. “And please, Jinyoung, I’m serious, get help.”

“Help?” Jinyoung’s voice had dropped.

“You look like you’re going to pass out any second, have you had any sleep these past few days?”

“Not really, no.” Jinyoung admitted.

“I’ll help you, okay?” Bohyung said and went to wrap her arms around Jinyoung’s head, squeezing him close. She smelt of flowers, and detergent, of everything warm and everything Jinyoung missed. He missed his mother and his father, he missed his bed, and home-cooked meals. He missed them, but he didn’t regret any of it, he didn’t regret stumbling into this town. This town had become just another home to him.

 

 

 

 

☔️

Jinyoung was picking up onions that morning, he hadn’t slept again, so he left the house just as the sun broke through with the grey clouds. Leaving the bar to Jackson for the past month was a mess (although Jinyoung had a feeling he was doing it on purpose), so although Jinyoung still couldn’t find the will to work behind the counter just yet, he still helped out in the kitchen and went out on errands.

He knew it was going to rain that day so he thought to do the shopping swift and quick before it began to pummel. Unfortunately, Jinyoung wasn’t quick enough. All he had managed to buy was the sack of onions and a bag of lemons.

Jinyoung contemplated running back to the bar or taking shelter quickly somewhere close by. But he knew the rain was going to go on for hours and the bar was only ten minutes away, so he runs. His breath cold, his hair dripping wet (the hood from his jumper proving pointless), and his fingers, his nose and cheeks a deep shade of pink.

In no time he reached the bar, his whole body shaking with the cold. Even when spring was just around the corner, there was a sense that winter didn’t want to let go of this town just yet.

Jinyoung tapped at his pockets for his keys, his jeans glued to his legs and his jumper heavy, sagging off his hips. Just as his finger curls around the keychain, he see’s a familiar pair of shoes take a step into the rain just a meter or two before him.

Mark stood still in the pouring rain, his eyes slightly open as his head tilted upwards to the sky. His body drank it in, his skin glowing almost in the mist and fog that shrouded around the tight alley ways. Jinyoung didn’t move, barely even twitched as he watched Mark stand in the wet and the cold as if he had always belonged to it.

And Jinyoung thought of that time under the bridge where Mark said he had liked the rain when Jinyoung felt like he was constantly followed by it, an incessant curse laid upon him years ago. How such a simple gesture like Mark opening his palm out to the rain could have shook Jinyoung the way it did.

And so, Jinyoung realized, as Mark opened his eyes to look towards Jinyoung, that maybe Jinyoung had fallen in love a long time. Maybe he had fallen in love with Mark even before Mark had begun to fall for him.

The two didn’t move for a long time, nothing but the rain between them landing in harsh splashes upon puddles and puddles pattering down the pebble paths. Jinyoung had held his breath, only the song of his keys clinging finally bringing him out of his days and he gasps, for air and from the cold and quickly turned.

The bar was not as warm as he was hoping it would but it didn’t matter.

“You okay?” Jackson asked, coming out from the kitchen doors.

Jinyoung looked up between his wet bangs and shivered a nod. He settled the sack of onions and bag of lemons upon the bar and slowly started making his way to the stairs. His shoes squelched and his whole body dripped with the rain.

“Jesus, you’re getting water everywhere, go shower quickly. I’ll make you something hot to drink.” Jackson said from behind.

“Thanks but don’t worry I’ve got therapy in an hour-” Jinyoung stopped making his way up mid-step. He turned to look out to the windows where the rain continued on with it’s attack and then quickly swivelled back down.

“Jinyoung?” Jackson called out as Jinyoung grabbed a towel from the bar and swung the front door open.

Mark, however, was already gone, or maybe he wasn’t there at all. It wouldn’t be the first time Jinyoung had imagined him.

With a small sigh Jinyoung shut the front door and turned back to Jackson. “Was there someone there?” He asked and threw a towel over Jinyoung, before violently shaking his hair of the rain.

“No, it was no one.” Jinyoung mumbled from behind the towel. “Jackson…”

“Hm?”

“When you came back then..when I was in hospital, did my parents ever visit?” Jinyoung asked quietly and Jackson froze, surprise evident on his face.

“You never asked me that before...why now?” Jackson pondered, tugging on the ends of the towel and wrapping it around Jinyoung’s face.

“I guess I didn’t want to know the answer back then but now I don’t mind.” Jinyoung said and looked up at Jackson, who was tying the towel into a knot under Jinyoung’s chin.

“Cute,” Jackson grinned and then threw a hand around Jinyoung’s shoulder. “Well, they were there. You were passed out like a baby though. I mean, who did you think called me to pick you up? They told me to look after you. At first they sent money but when I found out why they kicked you out, I decided that was unnecessary, you could make your own money. Aren’t I such an inspirational big brother?”

Jinyoung didn’t know what to do with this new information, he feels like it should have solved some great mystery, some deep wound he’d been carrying for so long. But he hadn’t realised how much time had withered away the loneliness and the pain, how much other people now filled up the void maybe even his parents couldn’t have filled alone.

“And?” Jinyoung pressed.

“And what?”

“And why did you agree? Why did you take me?”

Jackson looked at Jinyoung as if he didn’t understand the question, “Obviously because I needed you.”

Jinyoung looked up surprised, and slightly ridiculous with the towel tied around his head. “You needed me?”

“I may not seem it but!” Jackson declared, taking a step forward so his back was to Jinyoung. “I’m rather lonely here, as hypocritical as that may be coming from me, it’s nice to know there’s someone here now to come back to again.”

Jinyoung stared at Jackson’s back for a moment before chuckling. “Thank you...for needing me.” Jinyoung jumped Jackson then, his legs wrapping around Jackson and Jackson quick to grab him for a piggy back. .

“Ah, ah! You’re too old and too heavy for this! Get off!” Jackson squeaked from beneath.

Jinyoung laughed out loud, a real laugh, something he hadn’t felt in a while. And Jinyoung realized that even if he doesn’t feel like the pain in his chest has dissipated, it didn’t mean he couldn’t smile again either.

 

 

 

 

☔️

The wind was cold but Jinyoung could taste spring in the air. He sat in the field of budding flowers and peered down at his small town from upon the cliff where only the dead seem to keep him company. He felt calm, he felt hollow but he didn’t feel as...on the edge as he did weeks ago.

He wasn’t sure what had changed but something had. Maybe breaking up with Mark had made him realise that he couldn’t live forever in his fear and insecurities. Maybe he realised there were people around him now that weren’t going to let him go so easily. There were a lot of maybe’s, Jinyoung was still uncertain, scared but this town had saved him more than once now.

So, sometimes when he can’t handle himself and his small room with no bed, he just comes up to the top of the cliff, and sits down to watch the town, the tiny dots of people moving and the vast space around it. Roads and fields, and cars whizzing, going everywhere and nowhere. It calmed Jinyoung to know he wasn’t the only one out there, to know that everyone has their problems but they continue on, fighting every day, and he felt like then, he too can continue.

There’s only up from the bottom, but the end, means the end.

“You come here often these days,” Taekwoon said quietly from behind. Jinyoung didn’t turn as he went to sit down beside him.

“It calms me down.”

Taekwoon nodded, “Me too.”

Jinyoung turned then, “What are you doing here?”

“Location hunting…” Taekwoon said with a small smile. “Bohyung wants to have the wedding here.”

“Ah...that’s a nice idea.” Jinyoung smiled at the image.

“Yeah.”

Taekwoon picked at a flower, the bud shut tight at the tip. “How are you?”

Jinyoung looked back towards the town and breathed in the chilly air. “I’m fine!” Jinyoung stretched and flopped back into the field, the sleeping plants towered over him as his hands reached for little white clouds in the sky.

Taekwoon looked down at him and flopped back to, “You look fine…but you don’t look happy.”

“Oh but is anyone happy in this world my dear Taekwoon?” Jinyoung chuckled, letting his hand drop to his side. He felt comfortable there, amongst the stems and slow but biting wind.

“Maybe not but we can try and get close to it.”

“Oh has my talk from last time enlightened something in you?” Jinyoung joked giving Taekwoon a playful kick.

“It did but it seems you’re not following your own advice Jinyoung.” Taekwoon said and sat up to look down at his friend. “Aren’t you still running?”

Jinyoung blinked, “What?”

“Aren’t you doing right now what I was doing here two months ago, running away?”

Jinyoung sat up and laughed nervously, “What are you talking about?”

Taekwoon gave him a look before turning towards the cliff, “You’re scared, aren’t you? That one day Mark would leave you.”

Jinyoung let out a shaky breath, he’d tried hard not to think about it all.

“Your reflecting the insecurities that grew inside after your parents kicked you out onto Mark, aren’t you?” Taekwoon asked, his voice calm and quiet and still cut so clearly through the wind.

Jinyoung let out a short laugh, quickly withering away into a sigh and brushed a hand through his hair. “What is this sense of deja vu?” Jinyoung could only joke because Taekwoon was right, so annoyingly right, but he never thought his own words would come back to bite him in the ass the way it did then.

Taekwoon looked up at the sun, slightly hidden by the clouds. “What are you afraid of Jinyoung?”

Jinyoung smiled bitterly, “That’ll he’ll leave me one day.”

“Well, you made sure of that one then, didn’t you?” Taekwoon recited and gave Jinyoung a sympathetic look.

Jinyoung in return could only feel his weight give way as he laid back into the field and stared at the sky.

 

 

 

 

☔️

Bohyung was losing it. Jinyoung sat in the seat behind the counter staring at her blankly as she whizzed by in fifty different directions all at once. He hadn’t entirely decided to come back to work but there was a guilt eating at him knowing Taekwoon and her were planning the wedding and keeping the flower shop open at the same time.

“Taekwoon will you please get the gold ribbons?” Bohyung urgently called from the staff room, one hand sticking out and waving frantically.

“Gold?” Taekwoon mumbled. “I thought she wanted to red ones originally.”

“Bring them both,” Jinyoung said and Taekwoon nodded, and scurried away. Jinyoung watching him and shaking his head.

He settled both feet up on the counter and started playing games on Bohyung’s phone, wondering why she still bothered for a lock when nearly everyone knew it was Taekwoon’s birthday.

The front door jingles and Jinyoung doesn’t look up as he calls, “Welcome!” Too focused on the game he was playing. Silence followed afterward, nothing but the sound of the car race Jinyoung was in between him and the customer.

“Why?” A small voice called out. “Why do you look so okay?”

Jinyoung paused his game and blinked looking down at Taehee. He sat up straight, his feet dropping off the counter in surprise. Jinyoung opened his mouth but nothing came out. Taehee however looked a mixture of upset and angry, a large pout on her face.

“Taehee?” Bohyung called out from behind as Jinyoung got up to stand on his feet. “What are you-”

“Why!” She stomped, her small fists tightening. “Why is it when my dad can’t even smile at me, you look so okay?” Her was voice so small and fragile, Jinyoung felt his throat tightening up. She lifted her eyes from the ground and glared up at Jinyoung.

“Taehee…” Jinyoung called out. “I’m sorry-”

“No, you’re not!” Jinyoung shouted. “You’re not or you’d go and see my dad.”

Jinyoung sighed, “I can’t-”

“Why not?” Taekwoon cut in, and the three of them turned to him.

“Taekwoon, don’t.” Jinyoung warned.

Taekwoon tilted his head and gave Taehee a look, “His kid has come here to tell you to go, what more of a push do you need?”

“It’s not fair!” Taehee huffed. “It’s not fair...he won’t even eat chocolate anymore.” She began to tear up and Bohyung quickly made her way to cradle the child. “He loves chocolate!” She cried into Bohyung’s shoulder. Bohyung hummed to her and stroked her hair.

Jinyoung let out a breath and looked around the flower shop distressed. It wasn’t like he wasn’t contemplating it for so long, he just didn’t expect to be put on the spot like that.

“I can’t just go to him like nothing happened,” Jinyoung whispered and ruffled frustratingly at his hair.

“You know right?” Taekwoon said quietly enough so Taehee couldn’t hear. “That he fainted last week from overwork.”

How couldn’t he not hear? It was all people talked about in this town for days, and only because of his relationship with Jinyoung had become such an open topic, some elderly people even came to ask him about it. And he worried, and worried, stayed up at night worrying, spent his days worrying, hoping that he’d run into Mark and Mark would look fine, and healthy and himself.

But the last time Jinyoung had seen Mark was during that rainy morning, and that’s all that remained in his head. He had tried, so hard, not to think about him, not to remember at night when he was cold and alone under his blanket and it was raining outside, the scent of Mark’s jumpers, the mint coming off his hair and the warmth of his skin against Jinyoung.

How could he run back for a man he had left in the cold?

Jinyoung looked down to find Taehee teary eyed and tugging at Jinyoung’s trousers. “Make up with him, please?”

Jinyoung’s eyes knitted together and he went to bend on his knees to hold Taehee by her shoulders, “I was mean to your father Taehee, I don’t think he’ll be happy to see me.”

“Then say sorry. Daddy always said that if you did something wrong then to say sorry because that shows you care about them. Do you not care about him?” Taehee mumbled, her lips quivering.

Jinyoung swallowed hard and pressed his forehead against hers, “I do.”

“Jinyoung isn’t it time you let yourself be greedy?” Bohyung asked, her arms wrapped around her chest and a contemplating expression on her face. “I haven’t said anything because I thought you needed to solve this on your own. But all you’ve done is hold yourself back. What are you so afraid of now?”

Jinyoung didn’t know how to answer, there was so many things that now just sounded like excuses. Why did they break up in the first place? Thinking about it now, Jinyoung just thought it was inevitable, that the inevitable just had to happen. That the inevitable was so terrifying, if he had stayed any longer, left it to drag on, waiting for it to come, it would hurt even more. If only he had realised that the only inevitable thing wasn’t Mark’s love for him ending, but Jinyoung’s insecurities finally taking over him.

If only he had realised sooner.

“W-where is he now?” Jinyoung breathed.

Taehee brightened up instantly, “Mum! He went to see mum up on the hill!”

“The hill?”

 

 

 

 

☔️

Jinyoung huffed, and gasped, his throat closed off and his eye’s watering from the run up. He had run out of the shop, so fast the rest of his body couldn’t catch up with how quick his legs were going. He knew the way there instinctively by now, the cemetery up on the hill that lead to the field of flowers.

He thought he was too late but when Jinyoung stumbled through the old and creaking cemetery gate he saw Mark, completely blackened out by the sun and knelt before a small grave.

His confidence, however, plummeted the second he realised he actually had to say something, anything. Jinyoung contemplated turning back round then, Mark hadn’t noticed him yet but something had chained him to the gravel ground. Jinyoung just stared, stared at Mark placing the bouquet of flowers down onto the ground and settle a hand upon the gravestone.

 _Ah, he missed him,_ Jinyoung realised. He smiled a little to himself just as Mark noticed him and stood up quickly. Too quick, Mark tripped a little on the spot and caught himself, quickly looking back up at Jinyoung as if he would have disappeared in that second.

“J-Jinyoung?” Mark called out, the wind carrying his quiet voice.

Jinyoung cleared his throat and took a step forward then another, “You know….I don’t think I ever told you this story.” He started and avoided eye contact with Mark as he got closer. “It was about a boy...who lost everything, you see. Even his soul. Then one day a magical wizard came to save him and carried him to a new home. And in this new place he searched for his soul every day...endlessly.” Jinyoung took a deep breath and another step. Mark stared at him, waiting for him. “Then one day he met this other boy, this outsider, he was different, a little awkward and adorable at the same time. And that other boy made him realise that he had never really lost his soul, not really. He had just hid it...deep down because he really was afraid that if he were to feel again, and love again, he would lose it all again. So he decided it was better to hide it all away, to hide in himself.” Jinyoung stuffed his shaking hands into his pocket and looked up at Mark finally.

Mark tilted his hand, his bangs loose and down, the wind tickling at the ends. “And? What happened to the boy and his fear?”

“It never left…” Jinyoung declared, a sad smile on his face. “But he gained something different instead. Something the other boy gave him.”

“What was that?”

“Courage.” Jinyoung gulped. “But even still...his fear got the better of him and he ended up causing what he was most afraid of...losing the person he loved.”

Mark sucked in a shaky breath, “And now?”

“Now...now he’s still afraid, so afraid he almost thought of turning back right now.” Jinyoung muttered. “But you see now he’s willing to take a leap, or at least trying to take it, he’s just wondering if the other boy is still there.”

“Jinyoung...I’m right here.” Mark sighed softly, shutting his eyes for a moment and then opened them to stare straight at Jinyoung. “I’m here, I’ve been waiting.”

“Why? What made you think I would come back?”

“Because you love me,” Mark slyly grinned.

Jinyoung let out a laugh of disbelief, “How can you be so sure?”

“Because I’ve been in love before,” Mark smiled, his hand still resting upon the gravestone. Jinyoung looked down at the stone and frowned.

“Is that her?” Jinyoung asked quietly. Mark looked down briefly and nodded.

“She was born here you know, she’d always talk about this cliff she’d go to in high school where the flowers bloomed in winter and slept in the spring...I thought she’d want to go back.” Mark solemnly said, staring down at the bouquet of flowers loosely tied together with a piece of string. “I thought Taehee would want to be beside her mother so I decided to live here, and I think in turn...she lead me to you, or at least that’s what I want to think.” Mark gingerly chuckled.

“Is this what she’d want from you? For Taehee?”

“She’d want me to be happy. I mean even when she found out she was dying, she never told me, not until her last few days and I hated that about her the most. You know she wasn’t even going to tell me she was pregnant with Taehee at first,” Mark reminisce. “But that’s also why I loved her. So selfless and kind, and...incredibly stupid.” Mark’s grip on the gravestone tightened, and Jinyoung found himself breathless.

“Jinyoung…” Mark continued. “I know what it’s like to lose someone, to _really_ lose someone and it’s so painful to know you can never see them again no matter how hard you try - it’s...excruciating Jinyoung. But I didn’t want to force you still, even though somehow I knew you were going to leave, I could hardly cling to you.”

Mark took a step forward then, and brushed his fingertips against Jinyoung’s before tugging on his thumb. “I understand you’re afraid, you don’t want to get hurt but I don’t want to lose you not when you’re so close to me, so what do we do?”

Jinyoung stared down at the two of their hands and bit his lip. He had come here for a reason, he knew what he wanted but even still, ridiculously, Jinyoung still froze at the words.

Mark gripped Jinyoung’s hand and said, “Don’t force yourself-”

“I’m not!” Jinyoung interrupted. “I’m really not, it’s...look I don’t know what it’s like for someone around me to die and I don’t ever want to know but...but still I still get sick at the thought of you leaving me one day, and I won’t be able to pick myself up anymore Mark, I really can’t. All people have ever done is abandon me.” Jinyoung whispered desperately, his fingernails digging into the back of Mark’s hand.

Mark looked down at where they held hands and then tugged Jinyoung closer ever so slightly, nothing but the wind dancing between them. “How about death do us part? Except you definitely, definitely can’t die before me.” Mark cheekily said, his canine teeth peeking underneath his small smile.

Jinyoung blinked and then looked up shock, “Did you just propose to me?”

Mark looked down, equally shocked at Jinyoung’s reaction and snorted harshly. “Why are you laughing!?” Jinyoung demanded.

Mark pulled him in then for a hug and took in a deep breath, his chin resting upon Jinyoung’s shoulder. Jinyoung, although still a little dumbfounded, settled quickly into Mark’s grip and relaxed, his nose nuzzling into Mark’s neck. Mark wrapped his arms tighter around Jinyoung whilst Jinyoung snaked his hands round Mark’s chest and squeezed him tight, breathing him in.

“Ah…” Mark’s face faltered as he dug his face in Jinyoung’s shoulder. “You really can’t leave me again Jinyoung, I seriously...ah, seriously, you can’t.” He sighed, his voice quiet but shaking in Jinyoung’s ear.

Jinyoung nodded eagerly, blinking away the wetness in his eyes as he stared at the town beyond the cliff. He felt so many things in that moment; worry, fear, anxiety, relief, joy, content, and love. So incredibly loved he wondered what he ever did to deserve to be saved like this.

But no matter how much he questioned it now, then, and in the future too. Jinyoung realised at that moment that there was nothing more precious than what happens in the moment.

And even in the now, he continues to break down, and lose himself, he let’s the fear and the anxiety eat at him as he stares at his ceiling in the dead of night. But Mark is still here, reminding him that he doesn’t have to be alone, and that although there are sleepless nights, there are also more nights where he can dream now. Where he doesn’t have to force himself to count the beauty spots upon Mark’s collarbones but rather now he can count the stars in his dreams.

Then, when he wakes up in the bed he finally bought, with Mark’s arm underneath his head, and Taehee snuggled in the sheets between them, he’s reminded that just as much as he wants to run away sometimes, there’s also something that keeps him grounded here. Keeps him living.

Jinyoung may never rid himself of the ameoto curse, but maybe there’s nothing wrong with being a rain man, when you have someone who likes the rain.

 

 

 

☔️

 

[livejournal](http://aquilaprisca.livejournal.com/7006.html) | [extra](http://aquilaprisca.livejournal.com/7486.html)

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading


End file.
